Grab Life by the Bulge: Unzipping the Secrets of Flaccid Confidence, Digital Flirting, and the Twists of Modern Gay Banter

SPEAKER03: Okay, okay, and we're here. We're back. We're queer you're gonna protect the trans youth, and I'm just a big blue blueberry You're not that big anymore. I'm just a skinny little gusher. You're like. I'm so big it's like okay I can't wait and then honestly just wait till your F*cking birthday You're gonna literally be hotter than I've ever been you're gonna be a big bag of skin. I don't think so No, I don't know what's crazy is Michael. This is not Michael was looking and it's like he's like it is actually tightening up Thank God Honey, hello everybody, welcome to another episode of Not, well, I am Bobby. I'm Jem. We're here for another week with you F Word We're back, F Word We're back, you F Word and you queens. Now, I recently heard an interview. Oh, great, we're not allowed to say F Word now? Basically, it was like, some people were like, I just can't do that word. A lot of girls get really upset about, like, F hags, get upset about the word F And it's like, I get it, but it's also like, move on. We're taking it back. Move on. We're taking it back. And people complaining about the word queer. Like a lot of older guys are like, that's just always been a slur to me. I kind of feel that way. Like when I hear queer, I'm like, it gives me a, well, I've grown obviously. So like, I'm like, okay, well, well not physically, honey, mentally. Like you're shrinking, honey. I've grown in a mental capacity to where I can be like, okay, queer, like I can take, I can say that word. But at first I was a little bit like, oh, I don't like that word.
SPEAKER00: Yeah, you didn't like it. I remember a few years ago.

SPEAKER_03: I don't like it. While recording even. We've grown since, well, we've, we've edged. We've edged. We were edging Queens. We're riding the edge. Um, yeah. So last time we recorded. Last time. When was that? Honestly don't know we could go. That's it Feels like a lifetime feels like a lifetime ago. We went out this past weekend. Oh god. Happy st. Patrick's Day everyone Yeah, happy st. Patrick's Day celebrate st. Patrick's Day are insane. I'm just gonna say well first of all, it's a white drinking holiday st. Patrick's Day and They showed up and it's America like we're like in America. It's like we're not even And then it's like Cinco de Mayo is coming where you just drink on that day and it's like I Every day, Memorial Day, Labor Day, it's all just white people drinking. July 4th. That's the most drinking holiday of all. Budweiser! That's like the white trash drinking holiday. It's like, let's go get our beers and go down by the river. They Fcking wear their flag shit. Proud to be an American. It's not cute. It's not cute. So we went out to like a bar crawl and I need to make a comment about my situation. Because I decided that I thought a bar crawl on St. Patrick's Day was gonna be full of whores. What I didn't know is that people were gonna wear jeans and like green shirts and not short booty shorts with a jock on, high socks. So we showed up like two to three hours late to the bar crawl and skipped the first two bars because we're old. Why would we go start at nine? And I see, no, well it was like 11. I thought it was 9.45. I thought it started at 945, be it Slammers. Then they go, yes. Oh, I thought it was 11. No, I think it started really early. So I'm even older than I thought. No, they actually have been three bars, I think, before. So we show up at Rumors. Bobby is in a full whore outfit. It looks like he just came out of the Eagle. I'm pacing outside. I'm like midday to on the sidewalk. Look at her. You're like, are you here yet? You're like, so you're not coming. You said one and I was like, why is he so anxious? I'm very anxious. I was being, I was actually like trying to embrace my body and like my life. It looked good. People loved it. Somebody said they saw me and scruff. But anyway, um, Uh-huh. Hi. Hey, Scruffy. I was a little slut. I'll put a picture up of me now. So if you're on your YouTube, if you're not on your YouTube, go ahead and check it out. If you want to see Bobby. You might see some Cck, honestly. Good. You're good. I did. You did. So we started at Rumors. So we're being total whores. We're being total whores. We were in the parking lot. Met some friends. Met some friends. Had a little of this, had a little of that. A little of that, a little piffety puff for you. A little piffety puff for me, a little, we met a Russian lady. we met a Russian lady who was obsessed with our she loves American holidays. Yeah, she was trying to figure out what she's like, I'm trying to figure out what's happening in American holidays. And we're like, this is just a drinking one. Yeah. Is it American? She's like, in Russia, we have a holiday to celebrate spring and the arrival of the sun, and blah, blah, blah. I was like, Okay. Well, we're just drinking.

SPEAKER_00: We're just a bunch of queers in a parking lot.

SPEAKER_03: There's no it's not even religious anymore We don't give a Fck about st. Patrick or Ireland. Like this is just people wearing green and We told her about it. We even gave her some green beads and then she came back later with flowers for us Yeah, I didn't talk to her because I touched a Russian heart We did. One Russian at a time. We gotta get to Putin. I don't think we can get to him. I think he's gonna die soon anyway. I do too. I'm actually hoping a lot of these old Fcks die. They all just get poisoned in Russia. Please poison them. Poison every old man in this country. Sorry. What if we woke up and tomorrow everyone over 50 in the government was dead? Well, it would be the whole government, first of all.

SPEAKER_00: Well, yeah, there's like no one left.

SPEAKER_03: We'd be like, um, so what do we do the way? And then you have a lobbyists are like, Fck, now we got to go. They would jump in and be like, we have the money. So we're like, Hey, actually, 35 year old, we could get, we can take care of you. Here's 50 million. Now you just say this, I'm a puppet. And that's basically the whole government. And that's kind of what it is. One big puppet. Watching like one side argue with the other, like the primaries were yesterday in Ohio. What's the point? Trump's person one, like, of course, like, I'm sitting here thinking like there's literally nobody running against each other, most of the people, and I'm like, I don't know any of these other people, so. Why? I don't know. Every judge was just unopposed. I was like, why do we have to vote? Why do we vote? Actually, I didn't even see the results. So is this just to get- On the ballot for November, and then once you're on the ballot- And so then that's when it's the big time. That's when it's- Trump's Senate candidate won, even though he's on adult friend finder trying to hook up with young guys. Oh no, the Ohio guy? That's the guy. Well good, we like a little queer. Moreno, Moreno, he's some businessman from basically Honda car business in Cleveland. But why are all these rich men F Word? Like that's my other question, like closet homosexuals, not just like the cool ones, like the ones that are like lame. Well you posted that to be intelligent, you're more likely to be gay. And I'm wondering if that's really a true statement, like maybe a lot of people who are smart just wanna suck a dick, but they're afraid. Society. Yeah, but society. But society has ruined it for us. Now, okay. So yeah, we went there, then we went out to another bar, then another bar, we skipped several other bars. And then I was blackout and I had to go home. And then it was 7 p.m., we're at AWOL and we're like, well, there's no one here. We were all kind of doing like, there's no one here. You like, you did a Fck, you were trying to do an Irish goodbye like a St. Patrick's Day goodbye. I wasn't. But all of a sudden you're like, oops, I hit. I did F*ck up. I was looking to see if there was a surge and how much it would cost and all that, I didn't realize I pressed confirm. All of a sudden he's like, oh, my Uber's here. I was like, select Uber X, because I just wanted to see how much, and then I'm like, and then my phone's like, hey, your Uber's here. I was like, wait, what? And if you canceled then, you'd be charged, right? So I was like, well, I don't see that we're doing anything anyways. Did you stay?

SPEAKER_02: No.

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, I figured I was like, you've been drinking for eight hours, why would we stay there? No, I was in bed by 10, actually probably 9.30.

SPEAKER_00: So no offense, but like.

SPEAKER_03: I came home, went on a long walk to Dairy Queen with Matt, came home. Now that is interesting. That was like a two to three mile walk. I was dead, I was mentally dead. I also ate like a Chipotle burrito on the way. Because I was hungry. She didn't mention that part of it when I heard the story. Even though I had almost an entire Slammer's pizza. Remember that? Oh God. You guys were making fun of me because I was like, I'm full. We can't eat. And you're like, that was just a F*cking… Everybody was yelling at me because they were… I ate so much Slammer's pizza. I know, but people, you all were saying… Michael followed suit. Yeah, Michael was like another piece, but I got another piece. Michael got another piece, I got another piece. I probably had like six or seven. Oh no, I put 15. Oh, I saw Joe Burrow. Joe Burrow showed up at Slammers. All of a sudden, Jim was like, there's a straight person. And I'm like, who? I was like, there's a bunch of straight guys here. And I recognized him, but didn't. And I looked like, oh, that's Joe Burrow. No one else was looking but me, by the way. I know. Everyone would have missed him. And I was like.

SPEAKER_01: Who's this straight guy?

SPEAKER_03: And I was like, Joe Burr? Also, why was he there? To hide. I think he was like, lesbians won't recognize me. It's like, honey, they're the first to recognize you. First of all, all the gay guys want to F*ck you, so don't go to a gay bar. Go to A Wall in the front. Can you imagine if you were in the barracks with his shirt off and we're all just like, hey Joe, daddy Joe. Face is so I know like his body pretty it's pretty No, it's not it's a very full and you know that we could easily figure this out by Press and people, you know, you can easily find out by just looking at him in his white football pants You can always see the dick print. Um Yeah, I've seen it. I haven't just google it Dick prints are us So yeah, so we had a great st. Patrick's weekend. Like you did something Sunday. I didn't I stayed inside all day Sunday other than a wall Well, so we were like Michael's like do you want to go on a walk and I was like no and he's like Do you want to go on a walk like and go stop maybe up and have a beer and I was like, yes Sounds like okay. So we started walking and then I was like, he's like her mute and I was like or a wall and this bit, but here we are in a wall. So yeah, it's, it's just, it's turned into that. I texted you at like dinnertime and you're like, we're somewhere else. Now you were somewhere else.

SPEAKER_00: I was like, wait. And then yeah, the same day before. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: Basically, that's gay life though in Columbus like there's nowhere else to go. So what are you gonna? However, I forgot to tell you Oh, you were the hot guy Dylan that you set that sat by us at Slammers and you were like here sit over here And he was like really cute and he's sitting next to Michael. Yeah with another two ugly couple at least I mean, let's be honest be honest. They were like a spade a spade like oh I was still trying to decide what it was. The whole time they were like, the non-binary one plus the guy. Yeah, I don't know what each other sees in each other. I'm like, gamers? Yeah, maybe? I can't tell why you guys are attracted to each other. It's more like Dungeons and Dragons, yeah. D.O.D., dad. I don't even know, Department of Defense. D&D. D&D. They're listening to D&D podcasts. They're jerking off to Dungeons and Dragons. Fuck this Fcking wizard staff. Oh God, my wizard sleeve. The guy next to them was cute. So he was cute. So, when I was at Cavan's, some guy walks out of the bathroom. I hope he waited. I hope he asked about me. Well. He goes, hey, and I go, hey, because I'm not really impressed with people a lot when I'm out, no offense. I can't even believe you remembered him. I go, oh, hey, and he's like, hey, I saw you. We were sitting by you yesterday. How's it going? He gave me a hug, and I was like, oh, it's going great. I didn't really even talk to you, but okay. And then he's like, I'm Dylan. I'm like, I'm Bobby. He goes, I love that name, and grabbed my hand, and then he left, and I was like, the Fck? He wants to Fck. He wants to Fck, and this is what semi-glutide does for you. This is what being gay does, is someone being nice and introducing themselves we think they wanna Fck. Well, and they don't, and it's fine. Honestly, I don't think I wanna Fck him. Yeah, that's why I don't really remember.

SPEAKER_00: No, he's cute.

SPEAKER_03: No, he's very cute. I have something to admit. I don't think I really remember you unless I think you're hot. Like, do you know how many people I'm like, Fck that name. Like, I don't need to know that one. It's so bad. I catch myself all the time where I'm like, I remember people by what they look like. So I'll be like, Oh, big nose. I will too. I'll be like, he has a limp. Oh, fat Fck. No, if you have a limp I'm remembering I'm always like we caught like the beer guys the um, yeah the bucket boys the bucket boys Yeah, we only remember them because all they do is drink buckets. Literally. They're always carrying a bucket. It's like they're always It's like Jack and Joe on the hill, but these boys are always having a bucket These boys have cirrhosis. It's like God. And then Gary or, you know, one of the bartenders like they're my really close friend. I'm like, no, they're not. They're just here all the time. They're spending money.

SPEAKER_00: Right.

SPEAKER_03: They're not your friend. They're just here drunk and no one else wants to talk to them because they're an alcoholic. So they don't have anyone in their life. And that's the tea, I don't know what to say. And hopefully one day they'll meet somebody and they don't have to go to the bar anymore, or whatever. This is just a fact of life. The fact is, we all suck. After you're out of college, you're drinking friends are not your friends. I just have to say that. There's so many people, even in the Dart League, where I'm like, you're not really friends with them. You just see them at the bar and get drunk. That's it. It's true. Hey, hey, I see them every week. I'm like, yeah, but you're just drunk. You don't know anything about their lives on the other days. You see my home dealer like, oh, no, I'm in that mood again. Oh, she's getting angry. Well, let me artificial sweetener. Well, let me let me let me let me let me do an update on. Yes. Let's do an update really quick on somebody we talked about before. And it's not who you think. I can't wait. It is our sweet girly from Nickelodeon. Miss Amanda Bynes. Oh, God, I haven't seen that.

SPEAKER_00: For those of you that follow me, I am no longer wearing wigs, I'm wearing extensions. I bought some extensions on Amazon, these are them. Unfortunately, they're ratting up, like they're getting matted at the end, so I'm gonna buy new extensions and get those installed as soon as possible, but I really like wearing extensions over wearing wigs. The wigs were just too much for me, so for now I'm rocking extensions again, and I just wanted to let you guys know because I had posted about wearing wigs and now I just don't feel comfortable wearing them anymore. I hope everybody's having a blessed night. Bye!

SPEAKER_03: What's wrong with her? Why is she dead in the eyes? She's dead in the eyes. I just want to let everyone know so that you don't think I'm not worried. We don't give a Fck about your hair. Amanda, no one. We're more worried about those eyebrows. Honestly, if we never heard from you again, we wouldn't notice. Honestly, I'm more concerned when you do post. I'm more concerned about those eyebrows, girl. I don't know. We need to work on those before you do your hair. Oh, I got something to say. So what's going on with her? Do we think she's… Sometimes I mentally so either she's not really incompetent was just a really good actress Yeah, or she is on lithium and I there's nothing else Yeah, she's she's so Fcking she's so flatlined. Yeah, it's like I'm not gonna wear wigs anymore So I thought I would tell you cuz I said I was going to and now I got these on Amazon and I was like hi I think we used to make movies Do you remember your life before this you had a whole show called the Amanda show, right? Do you remember when you were do you remember how racist it was? And I've heard and remember I used to watch it love it That's there's a whole documentary on this whole situation though right now about the guy who produced those or something the creeper Yep, and this is why this is why Amanda's the way she is why she's on lithium I think it has to be lithium, you're right. Like, it's something weird. And then it's like, it's almost like she's being coached too. It's like, it's like, Amanda, talk about your extensions. Okay, that's a hot one. I'm gonna say thank you goodbye at the end. I mean her eyebrows look like bugs like it looks like a little roly-poly shape it looks to me like a big flat flattened caterpillar on your head and it's like girl like first of all and they're like cut off on the ends though it's like I don't know I don't know who's drawn those also can we go ahead and just get that heart removed it's like It's like burnt into it's like she's always red rose. I had the stud things in her cheek, too. Yeah, she's She's been through a lot. Go do your nails girl. Go do your nail school. Yeah, we don't have that long flat across like it's just but now we probably need to learn more about our eyebrows and our just in general our mood our after We need to learn how to speak again speak again I wonder do you wonder no because there are some really F*cking weird actresses out there and actors We're like when they're they're real selves. You're like what? They play these roles and you're like How are you the same person? And it's like, they're kind of crazy. Yeah, you're actually crazy. It gives me a little like Drew Barrymore. I've read about Jake Gyllenhaal being absolutely insane. I could see him staying into roles and like he's weird about it.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, I've heard that too. He's a method actor. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03: Like it's like Heath Ledger. That's why they did so great in Brokeback Mountain. Talk about a romance, talk about a forbidden romance. I'm sick of the forbidden. I forgot about that movie. Let's just go ahead and open the forbidden up. Yeah, you're ready to open some forbidden things up. I'm about to open the forbidden fruit ASAP. And that's all I'll say about that. Maybe today, maybe tomorrow, maybe in a year, but it's gonna open. My God. I'm ready. You're such a dirty freak. I'm a whore. Okay, I have a question about this. How does someone get crabs? This is something we briefly talked about. I joked about having crabs and you thought I was serious, and I am hairy enough that I could probably have crabs, but I just don't really get it. I'm kind of like, where do they come from? What are they? Are they cute? How are you letting them just like… Can you keep them as pets? Can you see them? Like, can you see them? Yeah, that's what, yeah. Like, wouldn't you look down and, if you could see them, you would see them. I mean, if you could look down and see them. Like little white specks or something, kind of like lice? Let's Google a picture. What do they look like? Oh, yeah, let's look at them. I'm gonna, I have no idea. I just feel like, in this day and age, just shave your shit, then. Like, I don't understand why we would even have crabs at this point.

SPEAKER_01: Oh, they're pretty tight. Okay, but like, oh, you can see them. Ew, that's disgusting. Oh, God, that was so sick. Oh, wait. Look at their muscles. I need you to look up. A penis with it. Just say, like, crab's penis. Oh, god, they're not that small. You would see that. You should see that. Oh, god, they have them on the eyelash!

SPEAKER_03: Like, no offense, but I'm not Fcking anybody if I look like that. If you can't see that, you can't tell that you have that. This is why I don't go to dark rooms. This is why I don't go to dark rooms. This is why New Orleans, we don't go to dark rooms. Because crabs hang out in dark rooms. That's where they Fcking hang out. But I was in the dark room at the Toronto bathhouse. Well, and that's where the crabs are. But you don't have them. And that's the good news. You just have jock itch.

SPEAKER_00: No, I don't have that either.

SPEAKER_03: Thank God.

SPEAKER_00: I've had that before.

SPEAKER_03: I had it as a teenager because every teenager apparently. Yeah, well you're gross. Teenagers are gross. Can I say something about crotches though? Yeah. I have a new thing. Okay. So do you know Harry's the brand of deodorant? Wait, the Razor brand? Yes, but they have- They also have deodorant? I think it's Harry's, yeah. Okay. It's very natural. There's no aluminum, aluminum, aluminum. Aluminium. Yeah, that's what I was trying to say. What I've been doing is I have a ball deodorant now. Oh, wow. And I just put it like in the creases sort of. I have never been more fresh in my life. Every day, I need that because it's like 10 hours after a shower. No, and that's terrible, right? You're like, ooh, girl, like Fck. Why is my crotch? I need to be ready to go. And maybe there's a little musty, but I want to have that hint of like, I'm fine. I need that. I think it's more like you just don't want to get summer coming. Well, I don't think you want to get like a crazy one, like an antiperspirant with all this. You don't want to get that was spraying down there. No, it's like it'll burn. You need something that's like natural sort of and like just kind of will get the edge off of it. And I'm telling you, my privates have never been better. This sounds like a commercial for Harry's. My privates have never been better. Speaking of the crotch area, I just have to make a shout out to Eric at Bulge Band. Thank you, Eric. Bulge Band is literally a blessing. It's something I always looked up. I had a long conversation with him, and I think it probably creeped him out a little bit, because I was like, yeah, guys just like to show their dicks. I was like, oh, I'm getting horny. But he's gay. He's a family member. Yeah, I was like, well. Well, I was like, he's just going to look at what he does. He loves Cck. He loves Cck. I think about 80% of my, I'm like, OK. This band though, I found it searching because I really wanted to find a band that would help when you're wearing like your Speedo. Oh God. Before my bachelor party we needed these. We needed, yes. Because a Cck ring is too tight. It's too tight and it hurts. It hurts. And it pulls the hair. It pulls the hair. And it just is like, I mean it's hard to get off and they work. I'm not gonna lie.

SPEAKER_00: They work but it hurts.

SPEAKER_03: But then like I'm in a Speedo and my dick is like basically I'm showing off an erection. It's too much. Yeah, I don't want to show off an erection, because there's not much to show, but I want to have a little fluff, a little something, and I want them to imagine a big Cck. You said it best to a lesbian, you said it's like a push-up bra for our primates. Yeah, you're right, I said that. You did. It is, it's like, tell Eric, he can use that, I don't care. Eric, it's a push-up bra for your blls, and your whole crotch. Because women know what that is like, they don't always want to have their titties hanging down their waist, sometimes they want them up and perked. Right, we want them up and out. Sometimes we want our blls and dick up and out. But soft. But stay because you can stay soft because it's not gonna like tighten so hard or you're like, oh my god like but also can once you get hard so it's like the same can but it just gives you a little bit of like a little play. I think people need bulge band. So yeah, shout out to bulge band, we'll put a link. If you have a penis, go ahead. Yeah, if you have a penis, you'll thank us, I promise. And they're, it's very inexpensive. So comfortable. Eric will hook you up, maybe we can make our own. Like you can wear it all day and you don't even remember it's on. Maybe Eric will let us make our own. Yeah, I want to have a customized bulge band. Yeah, like one that we can I want him to measure around me down. So do I see if it like Eric send us a picture of your Cck in you Thanks, Eric. Thanks Eric bulge band. We love bulge band. We really do I wrote down something but I like well, do you don't know what it means? Okay, let's let's read it. Let's go through it. I don't remember what it means. Oh my god. Oh Okay. Okay. I know what this means. So I wrote down this thought. I was like, you know how a zempic is kind of expensive for losing weight? Like, I mean, look at you. Um, like it absolutely works, but it's like, you're going to spend money on it. You got to look good, honey. But then I realized I'm also spending money out the ass to get in shape because a personal trainer for eight sessions a month, and this is not on the expensive end, is $600. $600 a month for eight sessions. I'm like, so that's twice a week, that's it. And you have to work. And you have to go work. So I'm like, I'm not sure it's really, I'm like, so which really is more, and then plus the gym membership if you wanna go on other days. So six months, we're probably paying the same amount. And that's what I'm concerned about. And that's why I'm like, why am I not an Olympic? Right. Well, there was a big special that Oprah just had about it, and it was a very serious conversation.

SPEAKER_00: She talked about it, because she's like, I'm out. She's definitely been on it.

SPEAKER_03: She admitted it finally. She was being a psychopath. Oh, was she never admitting it? But then she's like, yeah, because people are actually really shameful on it, and I don't really care. I'm a semi-glutide proud bitch. I will F*cking rock my semi-glutide until the day I goddamn die. And you might have to. And I probably will, because I'll probably just get fat if I stop. And I can't stop now. And now, I mean. It's just one big cycle. It's going to be one big cycle in my life. I just got to be hot. Yeah, because if you ever do stop it, you slowly will be like. Well, and maybe at some point, if I'm on it long enough, my stomach shrinks enough, and stuff like that, and maybe I'll have some better. Maybe you'll permanently damage your stomach, and you won't be able to. No, but I'm saying like. I know. Anywho. Maybe you'll burn out your pancreas and get diabetes. Stop kidding. You won't that would've already happened. Yeah, I know and no it won't it won't happen. Look at me Yeah, if right like if you didn't have diabetes at this way, you're not getting diabetes later.

SPEAKER_00: First of all, I know I might bloodworkers always you always watch.

SPEAKER_03: I have bad blood work now. Watch you Fcking one really? I'll be like, oh you're cholesterol. I'll be like what just cuz I'm getting skinny alone. I'm just saying I'm Although my cholesterol is terrible Yeah? It's familial. Like, I'm Fcked. I'm gonna have a heart attack in five years. I just hope it's not near me, because I'm not good at resuscitation. Yeah, you're not gonna be good. It's not gonna be good. I'm like, oh my god, oh my god. Wake up, wake up, wake up, Jim. Oh my God, Jimmy, my P*ssy. Just imagine you were actually saying, though, that part, like the real part, you know?

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03: I could hear it. And I'm on the ground like, it's the last thing I hear before my soul escapes my body.

SPEAKER_04: I'm like, what's going on?

SPEAKER_03: Yeah, it's like you're supposed to calm them down and let them go peacefully, but Bobby's just screaming around me Just let go it's okay. You probably be not I'm like choking instead of the high like you're like did I get added to any of the insurance? What's your password? What's your password? Important worried about I need to make a list and hide it from Matt because like if I go I Well, because my neighbor across the street died and then his wife has had to like, it's so annoying to get all the passwords. Oh yeah. Like you have to go to like. It's kind of crazy. And they're like weird. They won't give you something. Well, cause it's like privacy acts or something. I think there should be some kind of rule. Like if you have a death certificate and you're legally married or. Right. Like I'm pretty sure that should be allowed. You need to break me in. No. Oh God. Oh my God. Becky, look at her butt. It's so F*cking big. Pair up, okay, voicemail. That was actually very, very Echo Show. Echo Show? What is Echo Show? It's the Echo Show downstairs. What's that? The Amazon Echo. Oh. I don't have it. Oh, I have Google. I do Google, sorry. No, we have an LG TV that we don't need that. I hate LG. Oops, and I hope I used to have one. Not my OLED, honey. Well, that's true.

SPEAKER_02: Hey guys, this is Michael Q here in New York. city. So one, I just found your podcast. And so glad I found it because I am originally from Columbus, Ohio, specifically, which is kind of near growth city.

SPEAKER_03: Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02: Want to say what's up? I'm so glad I found you guys. I love to hear the stories about stopping ground. Rest in peace. Yeah, but you don't miss it. So two things. One, The last episode, you mentioned the huge amount of like a national guard and the extra police happening in the subway. And yes, it is alive and well, it is unnerving and makes me think that there is some major national disaster about to happen. It is a little unnerving. It's a little weird. So they don't check everyone's bag. And then two, I think one of you or both of you mentioned that there isn't a New York City. And I want to let you know that, of course, there's a lot of shit happening here. Lots of fun things happening. One of the great things that happens here is there is a Thursday Bear Happy Hour. It floats around to different bars and health kitchens, sometimes in Chelsea, sometimes the Lower East Side, but it's from 5 to 9 p.m. every Thursday. So if you are in town, I would love to hang out at one of those fun, very happy hours. So that's about it. Love you guys. Love the podcast.

SPEAKER_03: Okay, I love you so much for a call Michael what? Michael message me on Instagram because I'm gonna be going to the bear happy arcs I did look it up and I did look up our flight. I mean Michael my Michael will be there. I don't know why Because we're on time. So we have to find the plane. Yes. I'm on Instagram as a whole group. It's kind of like 100 ground, but I don't know if I still fit in you do I do I'm still bear you can't be a tweener. It's terrible. Trust me I'll never be a tweener with this. They're like you're like I used to be this but I'm like too fat to be an otter But I'm like, no, you're not you're not otter. Okay. Yay. You are a full otter I didn't think you're not fat. Like what the Fck not anymore. You're not fat. You're not fat You might be have a little bit of fat You might be a little chubby. I have a belly but it's not fat. It's not even husky. It's like you're just kind of you're a human The rest is malnourished. You're a mid-30s Fgot like it's fine. I'm just kind of a dad maybe That's exactly what it is. It's a dad bod, but that's stepdad bod, which is better Okay, cuz it's not blood. Well, I wonder if they have a rotating stepdad party at a bar. Oh I mean, they might would Fcking love that. We would go, listen, we would go, especially if it's straight. Yeah. We're just like, oh, so you're a stepdad. Same here. I met my girlfriend. She already has three kids. Same here. All right. Hey, you ever jerk with your buds? Need any help? We show up. We're like, yeah, we love kids, but you know what we really love? We love jerking off. Sucking Cck. We really love just to hang out with the boys. Have you ever heard of a bro job? And that's exactly what we would be doing. We'd be like, we've never done this before. They're like, you blew me last Wednesday. That's literally my favorite line. You actually blew me last Wednesday. So. I'm kind of nervous. I've never done. To be honest, I can't wait to pull the line of this is our first time to PV in May. Like me and Matt, I'm doing it. I'm just going to be on Grindr with our picture and I'm going to be like, first timers. Yeah. They're like, let me show you everything. I'm like, okay. But I've never been. You're on the welcoming committee, so. There's all, now if you don't know what a welcoming, I'm going to explain to you a welcoming committee. Every city you go to There's always a couple. There's a person. There's a there's a place. There's a group of seven friends, right? It depends on what it is, but you're gonna get bombarded by them because they are the welcoming committee of that city So they'll be like, hey, oh my god, you look different. It's like oh wait. Yeah, I'm not from here Where are you staying the Hilton? Oh my god, you should come to this bar. I go there literally we do this in Raleigh and first of all Raleigh don't trust what you see on the pictures because honestly, you can't judge mannerisms and you can't judge like Mm-hmm corks and ticks and it can look like the most hot jock bro. Oh Okay, it's true yes you did you don't weekend and you're still tweaking and you're still I You still look like shit. I know. But you have these welcoming committees anywhere you go. We saw some of them in New Orleans. We saw the Columbus ones. It's the ones that go to the bar crawls. You know who you are. If you call yourself the girlies and you head to AWOL every Saturday. You're the welcome committee because you're gonna find any fresh trade that comes in town Then you're gonna start passing around to your friends to see which one likes them Uh-huh, and then you figure out where the orgy is and you get Fcked and put on I'm gonna and I'm gonna be honest when I moved back to Columbus like 2014 I yeah, and I tried to date someone from the welcoming committee and it was really terrible because like They all knew what was going on. They all knew I was being played by this one. Well, I know yep committee member Yep and like he would like joke with him even when I was around like make a joke and I would be like What was that? It was like a private joke that they couldn't explain or it was an inside joke. That was from 2009 They'd be talking about all the guys that they both all shared and all Fcked and then like his friends would hit on me while I'm out and I'm just like I don't I can't tell like And it obviously wasn't real. After like six months, I was like, this is just so Fcked up that you all know each other. You've all F*cked each other. You've all had the same boyfriend. It's tough. It's the welcoming committee. The welcoming committee. But like when I was new to the city, I was like, they're going to show me around.

SPEAKER_00: They're like, come to Axis.

SPEAKER_03: Come to Union. We're going to the Zeno's bar. We're going here. And I'm like, OK. And then you were part of the crew, but are you? You're not. You're not. You're being tossed around like a bag of trash, just trying to make your way through your new city. Pretty much sums up my life. Well, no, you've made it. You've definitely made an impression on this city. Oh, that's the wrong way. It's like the Cck. If it's coming from here, it should go to here. Peroni Cck in the wild like all I see our online pictures. I want to see one like I'm scared of the pants and it's just like I'm like scared of all like are you making a u-turn there? What's happening here? Are we going back? So when you Fck me is the curve going in my ass or is the tip going in my ass? Or do you need to climb? We're gonna fit together like a Tetris P Are you gonna sit to the side a little bit this way, but then are we scissoring or what? How's that Cck getting inside me? That's all I'm worried about and that's usually what I'm worried about in general. Um, I'm tight and cuz I've dry mouth. Um, I Nightmare sandpaper mouth sandpaper mouth is my nickname Don't wear it out. Anyway, I don't know what we were talking about But that's that welcoming committees and we're talking about you being in New York and being welcomed by the welcoming committee I'm gonna be on the welcoming committee and I can't wait because in New York, that's a hot but when you think about it in New York There's so many welcoming committees that it doesn't matter visitors. I know so it's like everyone's It's a free-for-all This person I want to know more about Michael like so Michael I want you to message me because I tell us would you ever come back to Columbus and how bored would you be? Could you imagine like going out in New York City? I don't know weekends and then coming here. I know so Union it just and it's like a different life It is such a different life endless things to do pop-up I can't concerts endless DJs endless. It's like sex clubs endless grinder you every time you open a sex app. It's new people every time I can't every time everybody with You don't even have to leave your building No, like you could leave you live by the Hilton would just have endless. I mean endless endless Endless, it's gonna be interesting to say the least speaking of New York. I do want to give a shout out to the Miz I did mention this before but I want to say like we're bitches like I'm I wrote him I said I am just so proud of you like I know I love it. He started this thing called sob parlor. He was just on Fox News last night because they're making fun of them. They're making fun of it, obviously, because they're woke liberals are crying. They're crying now in New York City. It's like, well, so I just wanted to shout out to him and say, we're really I'm really proud. I'm sure Jim has his own opinions, but I'm sure he's very proud. No, I think it's great that you're turning your emotions into something. Positive for people right? I think it feels good to cry like sometimes you need to cry sometimes you gotta cry Sometimes you need to watch all of us strangers and just sob I did that last week. I also heard of another thing. That's really sobby on Netflix all of us or us Not all of us. You just said that about us. Yeah. Oh my god. I can't do any more I'm ready to have oh, it's a straight one, but it's supposedly really sad. I'm ready to have my rip my rip my heart ripped out and I'm ready to have my r.a.p. Moment. I'm ready to get my heart back in I actually thought about I'm gonna have to tell you about a soft soft softy now softies when you lose weight They are softy in the softiest softy. They're there like they're also underwear that I'm gonna show to the people Maybe what the Fck well, I got an Amazon underwear to know they're like interesting. We'll talk about in a second Maybe they'll be my sundry. I gotta get a little I gotta feel left. Yeah, I got it. I gotta try to get horny here for a second Just like let me think of something like dad's dad Okay, so also that works every time every Fcking time last night. I fell asleep thinking about it So bad dreaming dreaming dreaming dreaming dreaming, okay, like I have a someone that awesome I I have a something that I don't want to say. Oh, what I want to say is if we're going to talk about welcoming communities, we're going to talk about all these apps. I might as well just say this. This was in my sundry, but I've just got to say something when you're on grinder and you're going through these Fcking people. This is literally two in a row too. They were in the same block board board. When you write board on your profile, let me see these people. I don't even recognize them. I don't even know. Don't know him. He looks like a, he's a misfit. He's not cute, but he tries. Right. Gay as Fck is all I'm gathering from that right there. What I'm gathering is that you don't want us to see anything. You're going to do a side to, no, but here's the thing. You're putting bored. Yep. It's the teeth. You're putting bored on your profile. Yeah. Like, why are you here then? That's my thing is like and I wrote something down. I think I like really bored but looking it's like well, what do you mean? What makes you think I'm your entertainment? How cool or good are you if you can't keep yourself entertained? Exactly, and that's literally what I was thinking. I was like, why do you write bored or I really hate the ones that are like bored. It's a good board. There's um, I Go better yourself. Well, there's also some else's like bored not looking or or something when you're like, first of all, I hate the word looking I know Are you looking for like looking I'm like looking for why are you looking for don't say looking to me also? Yeah, there's a lot going on. Yeah, what I saw a new profile like it's called like top breeder. Oh People are breeding now for the calling it. Yeah, it's just means when you come in the hour I'm not slut-shaming, but it just means you like to spread your seed It's not slut-shaming to call people whores when they're whores like if you're a whore you're oh, no, and I'm not it's not a bad thing I'm just so it's like you're who you are. You're the reason doxy pep exists like literally you're the reason why crabs are there. Oh You're the reason like when people just cash they're like and then I got gonorrhea and I got this and I had that and I'm like Oh, okay. Yeah, well people always Oh, how many times 2004 that's when I had the clap and I'm like Okay, like That's what we used to call it. My friends would be like, well, you better be careful because you might get them. Oh Like it's Courtney. She's not wrong. I admitted something to my trainer yesterday. I was like, cause he was talking about, so my trainer doesn't like to eat Pssy because of, I mean, you can imagine. First of all, visualize it. Second of all, imagine the smell. Um, third of all, like imagine you've been out all night at the club dancing or doing things and then you come home and you're supposed to eat the Pssy. Like, There's absolutely not a chance in hell. So, you know what I mean? It's just not gonna happen. It's not a good situation for us. It's like everything is just dripping down to there, to that point, and then just suctioning up. It's just a lot of moisture, a lot of… It's a lot of juices.

SPEAKER_00: A lot of stuff.

SPEAKER_03: Especially if you got her excited while she's at the club, then some extra juices come out from the inside. First of all, that is something I didn't realize is how I live with girls, that they cum in their panties all day long. All day long. The snail trail. So he was telling me about that and I was like, he's like, plus, you know, they get UTIs cause they like, you know, so many of them, like their, their people is like covered by everything else if they're overweight and everything. And I'm like, well, that's probably true. But even like skinny girls get UTIs cause like the people is inside of things. Like kind of, I think, I'm not really sure. I don't know. It's not like outside like ours. Correct. Correct. Correct. But then I told him, I was like, if I were a girl, I would make sure I were the hottest Fcking girl only so that I could Fck men. And then I started thinking about it. I think I would be a bigger whore as a straight girl than I would be as this. Can you imagine the amount of straight guys? You can go to Pint House and find a college guide anytime. Every at any age because they like milf straight guys like milf say like young girls They like skinny girls have to be cute. And that's also part of the tiny little cute. Well, that's but I'm saying I would I would be I would be wearing a corset surgeries. I would be anorexic. I mean, I'm not supporting I'm saying we both would be we'd be sex workers if we Would be F*cking straight. We would want the John's to pull us. We'd be like, yes, please. Yeah, we'll pay you. Oh Put me in, coach. Put me in. We're warming the bench, but not anymore, honey. We are in. I just think, I just keep thinking to myself as a straight girl, I think I would be a whore. Sorry. I would too, clearly. Oh, can you imagine, like, you go to the beach.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, and I could grab my tits and be like, oh, F*ck me.

SPEAKER_03: Right, you could get a boob job and just get bigger tits from the guys. Oh, God. I'd shave my little tight Pssy. Oh, yeah, there'd be no, mm-mm. Honey, there'd be no residue. Because all the creepy guys want young girls, so you could get them all. You could trick all the straight men and be like, oh, Fck. I would probably be a gross girl. Like, can you imagine? Here's the thing that's Fcked up. You would be burping and farting. I'd be like, OK, we're not going to get any guys. Well, I was about to growl. She's a farter. Yes, she is. Here's another high moment. High moment with Bobby. So when you're, like think about a guy, and like if they were at the pool like this, like just like Fcking grabbing their dick and shit. Most people would be like, that's so Fcking in. All the girls would be like, they would not like it. Yeah. But if a girl was doing that, they would go nuts. What would the reaction be? But also, like, can you imagine if women were like that all the time? That'd be so funny. It'd be interesting. There'd be way too many babies because people would be Fcking all the time. They would, like, scare the guys off. I mean, you're going to Fck me tonight. Yeah, literally. Well, they would scare the guys because the guys think they would all have erectile dysfunction. They would be like, oh my God, a strong, aggressive woman who wants, she's going to Fck me later. Like most of them would be panicked, like, oh God, I'm not in control. And it's like, yeah, you're not. You never are.

SPEAKER_02: You never are.

SPEAKER_03: We make you think you are. The sob is always in charge. What's that? And that's on God. Because you think oh, oh don't bitch. Oh, I'm like listen, but I'll let you think you can Fck me up, but you can't oh That was like I'm getting like you're getting sassy Fcked now what I did think though I was gonna. This is me one of my topics, but it's not you would be a hot girl. Oh Yeah, yeah, I think you would be I think we'd both be well I would try and even if I wasn't a hot girl I would have a beer I'd still be a sucker like I'd still be I would be able to suck a dick faster They like that too. Like some men just want that. Honestly, that's a lot of what people want You get your tits out. You're like, oh Fcking come on my tits Wow, yeah get your friend over here You'd be like, oh, is that your friend to both of you come back, you know, the little click noise like really bro Oh my god, we're gonna come on our tits together. We I just want straight guys Like I would have my nails so long as I'm jerking. I don't even understand like it would be snap Yeah, Oh, honey, I'm gonna Those blls, baby Let's be straight girls in our next life. I'm trying to like oh my god, like yeah, I call her daddy like Fck me Oh my god, my little tiny clip got big My little Pssy I had a clit erection my little pony Little pony would be the name of my Pssy probably your little pony and I'd be a black beauty my little Wait, with the nails you're picturing and everything, you might be a black nerdy. Like, honest, to be honest. You're like Meg Thee Stallion. Fun fact, I only want to Fck black girls. If I ever Fck a girl, black girls are so attractive to me. Cause they are, yeah. Well, they are. But what's crazy though is that in my boy life though, it's like, I want the ginger with freckles. But if I'm Fcking Pssy, I'm gonna Fck a punani, honey. I want that Pssy. I love imagine you is that you watch I'd be really good at it. Well, you would not according to some people It's the worst night of their lives. I Was a slut on the ring camera, let me see Those are my new underwear. Ooh, I like the hose. Wait, that's Amazon? Yes. Bobby's got an in. I kind of feel like I'm about to… You're entering a different phase. Your skinty whore summer phase. It's the first day of spring. It's happening. This is the first time I've been ready for it to get warm in a long ass time. There it is, there it is. Because normally last year we were like, we want hoodie and jeans weather. I'm ready to wear short shorts and cutoffs this summer. I am ready to wear no underwear and shorts and go to the bar. And we will. I'm talking short shorts where when you sit down you see full Cck. And I don't know if this is part of a midlife crisis maybe, and maybe it is and I don't really care. I just feel like this is what happened to me before 30 is where I was just like, Fck it. I don't give a Fck. That's when I did too. Okay, so I'm kind of gonna be a little reckless here the next couple months. So if you see me out Just know that I'm a little reckless. I'm a little ready. We're on st. Patrick's Day. I was like what I was Like you're wearing mesh shorts knee-high socks like and I was like, let's run and then like a tight shirt I was like, okay, so we are we are living our F*cking truth, honey. I was ready. I But you know, we need to make t-shirts that say reckless and like a nice script so I'd font okay like a brush stroke Restless, let's do it like live laugh love font, but it's restless restless or reckless. I'm like wait You'll be reckless Cuz I'm more restless anyway, I'm gonna do something different.

SPEAKER_00: Yeah, you're rest.

SPEAKER_03: I'm like, let's lay down then you're like no You're like, yeah, we should lay down. Oh you got remember we got a fight and Wayne because apparently I don't know what gaslighting is and that's oh, yeah, you don't and that's fine I just need to make a comment a new word. Oh She's playing with her microphone. He's playing with no, but I'm what I'm maybe this should be my sundry. Yeah sundry sundry definitions Here's the thing Gaslight, okay, so Gaslighting to me is basically almost like influencing me to think that I'm doing a certain thing That's not right, right? No, it would be like if you're like, I'm tired right now and you're like, you're not tired You haven't even been out that late. It's not that you can't be tired. So I think what your zone is is it's called the reverse and This is a reverse gaslight. This is more like a pilot light a reverse gaslight reverse gaslight you reverse gaslight because what you do is you basically will say to me you try to beat me to the punch be like Instead of being like me being like, yeah, I'm tired and be like, oh, no, you're not you'll say oh, but Yeah you before I say anything Because you know, it's coming when you start sensing me, you know I can look at you and I can tell he's like he's ready for he's ready to go right and so then you'll look you're watching be like Wow, yeah, so over 30 people. Yeah, we need to be we should go to bed But I was speaking for myself to like I was done, but to me I had an uber to me as my son Dre Yeah, you listen. You're like, I'm like, what the Fck I'm like, you're gaslighting me into thinking what I was gonna think It's like you're guessing what I was gonna say before I say it even though I was gonna say it because you know What I'm gonna say, that's just our friendship. First of all, I know you I Correct and but like you reverse you reverse gaslight and that's gonna be the name that maybe a reverse gaslighting you now I love how Sean was sitting there like that's not gaslighting I'm like, okay, and I'm just like, I don't know what's happening. You're like I'm being gaslit Sean's like no you're not that's gaslighting That would be gaslighting. Oh, yeah, but that's if you really were being gaslit Then Sean saying you're not being gaslit would be gaslighting, but he's gaslighting me because I'll be in reverse gaslighting I love that technique. I'm gonna try it. It's kind of a good technique if you're it really works because it almost makes it's called I have insight into people not I mean not you but I just know from being friends, but I can tell other people to like we're doing something like like I asked that I remember that David guy at Cabins, we're sitting on the patio and I'm talking to both of them and he like looked when I was like Oh yeah. I was like, oh, are you bored? I could tell he wanted to get up and leave. And he like said no, but I was like, well, you can go back over there. And then he did like less than five minutes later. I was like, see, but I'm like, I can tell what you're trying to do. Also. Yeah. It's a gift or not. I do pay attention to people. But that's also the, that's the number two. I can tell I'm like, so where are they headed? What do they need? What are they trying to do? What, how can I get them to the next level? Even if it doesn't, even if I don't want to do that, I need to set up the, I need to set it up so that it looks like I'm helping. Like, don't worry about me. We're all leaving. You can go home now. Mm-hmm. That's the reverse gaslight. But then you did. You wanted to. No, but then you did. I left, yeah. So it wasn't a gaslight, it was real. I was like, here we go. The reverse gaslight. We gotta go home. It's the reverse gaslight. It's the, you're gonna tell me what I'm thinking, and I'm just gonna go with it. Because I am thinking that. And you did. And I did. And we slept well. I know, I literally was in bed at 10.30. I was like, time to go to bed, I had Dairy Queen. 10.30, I got up at nine, and I was hungover. You literally cannot tell me that it's not better to get drunk as Fck in the afternoon. It's way better. I don't give a F*ck. You won't be hungover the next day. If you get drunk and stop at eight, you will not be hungover the next day.

SPEAKER_00: You can't be.

SPEAKER_03: And then if you don't, if you want to keep going, then you have to wait until F*cking midnight for people to show up and just dance around for 30 minutes and be like, afties, no.

SPEAKER_02: And you went to afties. I'm done with the bars.

SPEAKER_03: We all know what afties is like. Case I'm a drug-addled 30 year old. It's like the ones I go to there's like quesadillas being made You went to the bear when I for it that sounds good. It's actually not a bear one Probably that sounds like heaven yours sounds like the one that you went to so it was coke binge like they're the godfather Made me question. I was like who's paying rent here Like I literally was like is this someone's actual place or we just in like a sex brothel.

SPEAKER_00: Well, and I

SPEAKER_03: It's like the guy kept coming up and down and up and down getting Fcked He came down in like a jockstrap every time I'm like, is there come tripping out of you? Like you're like, are you cleaning up between they're all on that there's something like I could tell I was like You're all tweaking y'all. I don't Fck. I don't like tweakers and that's all say about that I'm anti-meth, like if you're on meth, don't come around me. Don't come near me. And that's the problem with like these- Just don't. That's my sundry drugs. I used to be like, well, it's fine, everyone does their own thing. But the people who do their own thing and do all those drugs generally don't just keep them to themselves and they try to influence you into doing them. And they act in terrible manipulative ways because they're addicted. So I'm tired of being around addicts. Like, I'm sorry, I know it's a disease and it's a health condition. And it's like, you're struggling with it and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't give a Fck. Struggle with it then. Go to rehab again. I really don't care. I just am tired of taking care of addicts. Like, drug addicts need to stay out of my life. It's tough because they're, you know. AKA, I need to keep them out of my life. Well, and that's the helper problem. And there's the helper problem where I'm like, oh, you just need a friend. Do you need a place to live for four weeks? It's like, oh, everyone else has left you because they can't be friends with you because you're crazy. I can help that. Oh, you're in the hospital? I'll go ahead and take you and get your mail and get your dog. Let me Fck you, literally. Oh, yeah. When he was in rehab, I'm like, let me watch your dog for a month. Which was preparing you for money. Obviously, I loved it, but it's like, yeah. But also, why am I doing this stuff? I have to ask myself. Yeah, and that's something you can work on. And I could, or I could just get rid of all the drug addicts in the life. Well, and honestly, I think, again, drugs are something that can be a sensitive subject, and I know that some of us- Struggle with addiction. No, and it's true. It is really true. I struggle with high blood pressure, but you don't see me blaming other people. Well, no, but I look at it like this, okay? Oh. I'm fat. Okay, and you're gonna blame other people for that? No, you're working on it on your own and you're not a burden to everyone else. I just think drug addicts Well, they try to they're trying to well, they're really there's trauma I think they're trying to get you to join them like all the time because they're bored Yeah, I know cuz I want everybody to be Fcked off. I know but when I'm drunk sober when you're drunk, yeah It's terrible it's terrible terrible for us come be a horrifying and I can't stop thinking about alcohol is poison now. I It's like not good. There's literally zero evidence medical evidence any study to show alcohol being beneficial Why the Fck would why what it's just like it's basically changing our we're like F*cking ourselves up. Yeah, we're basically like saying Let's get our body to stop working for a second certain ways. So that way I feel good Yeah, it's like but but I don't I'm just running from all my problems Like Sunday, I was literally sitting on the couch and I'm like, why am I more depressed today? Like I was more anxious, more depressed. I'm like, oh, Sunday's scary. And I was like, no, it's because I was really drunk yesterday. And then I was fine Monday and I was like, I want to go to the gym and I'm having fun. And it's like, oh, because I'm not hungover slash didn't drink the day before. So I'm worried about alcohol for me.

SPEAKER_00: No, I'm sorry everyone.

SPEAKER_03: No, it's not Sabrina brought it up, too. She's like I have to stop drinking I'm I'm more depressed when I drink after I drink even if you're not over and they're like, yeah, I don't know what the Fck I was saying. I'm so much happier Some of my friends it's like yeah, it's like oh, they're like, oh, I would never go back to that I was so miserable and I'm like, but it didn't seem as well the time you seem to have fun When you when you're an addict I think You want people to join you because you're lonely and you're sad because you've gotten to a point where you need the drug more than you need Anything else around you and so you're just trying to get you're trying to like not ask for help But you just kind of want somebody to join on a friend. You need to want friends. So So that's my sundry. Stay away from me. Well, just yeah, you don't just stay away from me. But like let's talk about Let's talk about treatment I still get phone calls from this treatment center, and I'm like, I don't talk to this person. Stop calling me. I'm like, stop calling me. They're like, all right, well, we're just checking in to see. I'm like, it wasn't me calling. I was calling for someone, and I don't have that person in my life anymore. Stop calling me. These treatment centers are like desperate for money, I guess, because they're like, come on, it's 30,000 for a month. Come on. I'm like, what? Like, my friend couldn't afford your treatment place because you are so Fcking expensive. That's why when these celebrities go to places in Malibu and stuff, I'm like, so they spent $200,000 and they're not even fixed. They're still doing the drugs. I'm glad you had a fun yoga vacation in Malibu. We're gonna send you to Malibu, where you're gonna be on the beach, and you're not gonna have to work for six months. Can you imagine what we would give to go there? I would love it.

SPEAKER_00: I would do anything for a sabbatical.

SPEAKER_03: They cook for you, you do therapy, yoga. It's called a sabbatical, and I think, honestly, if you haven't… We need a sabbatical. Here's what I think it is, and this is not, and I'm not saying, let me just say this. Go ahead. I'm not saying that pregnancy is easy, by any F*cking means. It's a sabbatical, I'm sorry. But I mean, you get to be with your baby in like, that's… 12 weeks, guaranteed. Well actually not guaranteed not on my way there That's so sad or the rest of the world is like yeah, you get six years a year You know all of like the Scandinavians like yeah, you get a year off Yeah, lately paid paid and also health care is free. They pay higher taxes. Yeah, but they don't like to be happy why do you want to make more money when you can just be like a Americans don't realize we pay for it in other ways. We pay for it in our bad health. We pay for it in our depression from not having time off. We pay for it in our lack of communal relationships. We pay for it in our fact that we have to pay for insurance. And then we have a copay and a deductible. We are paying all of this stuff. It's just not in taxes.

SPEAKER_00: Like we still pay it.

SPEAKER_03: So if it came out on everybody's taxes, we'd pay for our cancer treatment. You would pay less, honey. Think about what you pay for your private insurance. And if there was all public insurance, it was like whatever, government, it's gone. You would pay way less than you do a year now. And you got better care. Every country that has health care for everyone has better health care. I don't want to Fcking hear it. I don't want to Fcking hear it. Everyone that has it has better health care. I was watching YouTube videos last night and had to stop after three of foods that are banned in Europe but aren't banned here. And it's like, you do not want to watch it. Don't watch it. Now, yeah, well, they don't allow aspartame. They have other sweeteners.

SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think there's aspartame in there.

SPEAKER_03: They have zero-calorie soda still, because they have like… No, there still is.

SPEAKER_00: No, I don't think there is. They took it out. Check it. I just read it.

SPEAKER_03: I swear to God. Remember how I'm trying to avoid artificial sweeteners? I was just downstairs reading it. But there are other ones that they allow. But there's a lot of foods that they don't they don't allow any of these dyes that we know that cause cancer that we have. Well, it's weird. Skittles. They can't sell Skittles there. But let me tell you, I love a handful of Skittles. But can they just make them white? The sour ones? Do they have to dye them? Right. That's why I don't don't dye them. I don't give a Fck what their color is. Just none of the kids would care either if they taste delicious and flavor like that's all we hear. I know. But let's worry about the trans kids, and let's also worry about TikTok. Let's make sure we ban TikTok. Let's ban TikTok, but we don't have anything for anybody, so. And that's been another episode of Not Well. Yeah, you can call us, 614-721-5336. We really appreciate Michael calling us. Yeah, thanks, Michael. Michael, go ahead and message me. Thank you. Also, thank you, Bulge Band. Bulge man, Eric, bulge man. Thank you. I'm gonna be wearing my bulge band. Maybe on my Model it and then we can have people. Oh, we could put our Ccks on his website Trim him up real nice. Make him look real good And then our listeners be like we want to go see their C*cks and they'll be so interested in the band They'll buy the band. We will have a code Well Like it was just me not well. So if you want to try it, I don't know if it's active or not, but I'll try. I'll message him. I need more. So I just got some, um, I got a lot of horse stuff. Like I got a jock strap, short shorts. Let me show you what I just got. I got Bader bomb. What's that? I don't even know. You're such a freak. I literally haven't jerked off in like two weeks same. I What am I doing? I'm like it's been a while I'm like, it's been a while. He's like I know but it's already bedtime This thing and they have a straight guy demonstrating It's called a spin stroker where you put your dick in there and it just spins. Oh, that's gonna make you come so fast It's gonna be quick. This is my problem though. And this is what I'm scared of quick, but that's what I'm scared of coming quick But you need that then then then that's you don't Haitian. Oh, you don't you don't want no because when you don't want to come quick You won't want it. But like if you're just like I need to go to bed, but I want to come it's like Do it every day it works every day you'll come even if you're not really horny and you put that on I've actually come not not even that hard vibrator one Yeah, when you're not even hard.

SPEAKER_00: Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03: Oh, I know it's like it's really bad. Oh What I was gonna say was this morning, this is the closing story, sorry, I just remembered. So this morning I went to go take my pill pack and I was like, wait, there's only five medications here. Where's my Cialis? Not Cialis, where's my Prozac? So I'm like panicking and I go, this is a new box. Wait, how many days without it? So initially I thought it was seven. I'm like, I feel great like honey, but then I was like, I'm not really coming and I'm not horny. So it's probably. So anyway, I was like, well, let me write them all day long. I thought it was cause I was not on all day long. I thought it was, you know, I was not on prozac for a week and I'm like, Oh my God, maybe I'll get off of it. Maybe I'll go on ketamine. Wouldn't that be nice. I thought about that the other day. Yeah. Well the mushroom people wrote me and I'm like kind of scared. I'm almost worrying. Do we go there in June? Let's do it. Like do we go there and go to- That would be a great journey. Maybe you guys tell us where we should go, but we need to have a direct flight. I'm not doing connecting. I can't do it. We need Alaska to Seattle, no, we could do to Seattle, that's Washington. I don't know that there's a direct to Oregon. I know, we'll have to see. Even Boston or something. I just don't wanna go, I don't wanna connect. No, we don't wanna have to connect. I really don't, because it makes too much time. It's too much time of the day. But anyway, so then I wrote PillPack at Amazon. I was like, hey, my pack says there's six on the cover, but there was only five. She's like we wrote you and we wrote your doctor and told you that you'd be out half a quarter of the way through So basically today was only my first day without it. Okay, good But I'm like, I'm really recovering great. Like I've got a day. You're like really it hasn't been 24 hours If I miss a dose, I'm miserable.

SPEAKER_00: Well, I F*cked up.

SPEAKER_03: Well, I get a headache nausea like I'm all mad It's bad I can tell him that's how I tell right cuz I'll be on the couch and I'm like why am I so F*cking terrible today? And I go to my I'm like, oh Yeah, I really just want to do ketamine though. I think I kind of mean yeah, they send it to your house and you like yeah on it There's a little pill to the who knows where we should just do that No, take an extra spray and go have fun a little sniffies. I've never tried ketamine. That's one thing. I think I would try I mean, I don't want to do it as a drug. I want to do it as yes a connector out Yeah, connect my brain cells again. Anyway, thank you for listening. Goodbye. Au revoir Michael write us adios and tell us where we should go. Oh And Jim. And yeah yeah and Jim.