This Is Why I Go to Gay Campgrounds That Are Nude: Because Then You Don't Have to Dress Up

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Give me the hot beefy gay daddy's bobby and gym! I thought you were gonna go to Willy Wonka land. I kind of was, floating on the ceiling there. The chocolate factor was like, can I lick the wallpaper? No, wheelie in the blueberry room. Oh, oh, oompa doompa doopity doo I've got another story for you. Anyway.

Hello, everybody. Welcome to another episode of Not Well. I'm Bobby. I'm Jim. We're here again. You're like, honey, no, and it's hitting. Yeah, she's fully edible because this week I'm having problems again with my shortness of breath. And I. Oh. From Ozempic. Or I'm not even, was it semi glutide? Yeah, I was like, you don't get the real thing.

No, girl, I [00:01:00] get the compound on it. Yeah, because when you say Ozympic, people are like, where do you get it? And it's like, um I get the actual, , stuff that's in it. I don't have a pen, I have to have somebody shoot me up. Which really makes Actually, Matt's been asking. He's like, how much does he pay for that stuff?

Because it's working. It's obviously working. I think we might need to get Matt on it. Is he, , why is he so I don't know, because he's really lost a lot of weight. Yeah, , I feel he's kind of obsessed with it. He literally weighs what I weigh, and I'm like Why is he so obsessed with it?

Because his ass is big. Okay. So he hates his fat ass. Okay, well, a lot of people like fat asses. I did this to him the other day, I was like, you feel like a baby bird. Well, oh, I forgot that does that for you. I meant how he felt tiny. Well, and well, I just activated you. Yeah. I was like, you're ready to go drop off in a barn.

I literally just had a flashback of the weekend when I got a massage for an hour and a half and it only an hour. It was, it was only supposed to be an hour, and I got for an hour and half. 'cause he just was chit-chatting and he was talking about his open relationship and all this shit happening and da da.

I was like, oh yeah. And I'm like, I'll chitchat all day long if you're gonna [00:02:00] keep fucking rubbing me down. Oh yeah, I would do. Rub me baby. Rub it anytime. Something's coming for. And I'm like, I tipped him money, but I was like, sorry. He's like, don't pay me more. I it's me. It was me that was talking. I'm like, because he doesn't really do with other clients.

He really likes me. Oh, I got him to do it. Me last year. No. Does he add anything extra in? No. And he's very professional. Oh, wow. But you're fully nude. No, actually this time I just went in my shorts. Wow. I just, there was no reason for it. It last time it was more of an experimental thing. And this year I was like, well, I mean, I'll just go in my short, I don't want to make, I don't know.

Right. So I went in my shorts. Fuck it. But fuck it. I mean, literally it was naked all weekend, uh, with a bunch of inverted dicks. Yeah, that's what I wanted to, I can't wait for, I wanna talk to you about that. We need to get you to the campground because I need you to see the, what's happening. I gotta go to camp.

We're taking Jim to camp. I gotta go to camp. Oh my God. I can't, I mean, it would be, it's gonna be an experience's gonna be frighten. It's fun and shit. And fun. Yeah, fun. It's so fun. 'cause you meet decent people and when you're naked and you don't care, then you really don't give a fuck. Who, if they could be the hottest [00:03:00] person.

This is gonna sound terrible. Okay, this is gonna sound awful, but here we go. But here's your shirt if you, yeah. And here's my shirt. If you're really cute, this is so bad. It's okay if it's true, I don't care if it's bad. If it's true, if it feels true to you. Because I don't like to judge dicks, because I think there's a lot of different dicks, but if you're super hot, and I'd be nervous to talk to you, and then I see your dick, and it's not what I would think in my head, then I really can't, right?

Then I'm like, okay, well I have the power now. Like how many times has someone sent you a picture that you think is hot, and then you get the picture and you're like, oh, all right, well. I no longer think you're really, really hot. You're alright, but No, you're still hot, You're still hot, but it just changes because in your head you have something built up.

I'm the dominant one immediately. Well, that's the thing. I have so many people's dicks built up in my head that if I do see them, and they're not what that is, I'm scared for me and them because my reaction is going to be like It's going to be Oh! Oh! Well Check, please. Oh! Dinner's ready. I heard the bell.

Oh, I gotta go. Nice hammerhead or whatever. Some of them I can't. [00:04:00] Can't do it. When you said the word inverted, describe what that means for our listeners. sometimes when you get older, or you get fatter, mostly the fatter part, and by that I mean, it's pretty, Yeah, because you have to get saggier, too. It's like chubby.

Whether from age or fat. Usually it's people with a large fupa to start like some people just have puffier fupas, and it's fine. That's true, too Their dick goes basically gone by that I mean It's just ball sack and a little a little button it could be a snake hole by a little pond a little snake hole by a pond and you're like what's in there?

And it's it's a whack a mole I don't really look at them when they're hard because I don't say you said I'm not gonna said one of them Well, one of them was in the sling so you said he was jerking off so he was able to get it out But like but it wasn't no, I mean it's like yeah, I mean it wasn't it was just like this I couldn't say most the guys you really Really?

I'm telling you When you go to camp and you come back, you're going to feel like a hundred bucks. Okay. I can't wait because everybody's different too, though. It's like, it's not a bad thing that everybody's different, smaller, [00:05:00] bigger. You see the, there's going to be somebody who's bigger than you all word for that.

There's somebody who's bigger than you. And there's somebody that's smaller than you. Period. That's true in all of life. Everything you do. Mother always said. But it's true. Cause you're like, oh wow, your dick is huge. And you look over to the right and you're like, oh, okay, well then I'm just fine.

Thankfully I'm in the middle. I'm just like Goldilocks and three bears. the smallest one there feels though? They're looking around for like, is there someone smaller than me? Well that's what I'm wondering. But a lot of times the ones that are you all the micros? Yeah. All the micros are really confident.

So then it changes it. Cause then you're like, wait, wait, there is that one Twitter account. You said like that straight guy with a, it was hot. Cause he was like, if you're confident with it, so confident. And I think he's really good. I don't think small penises are a problem. I'm I'm not, I don't either.

Yeah, because I think we need to get we were speaking all I didn't do anything with them No, I'm kidding. I would I would I would I have sure but I already have You already yeah, I'm an ally. Uh, we're small dick alley. That could be our New York City shirt, you know as a shirt [00:06:00] Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm talking Right.

Oh, yeah. That's what I'm talking. I'm talking this. And he's probably so cute. He is. Adorable. It's so sad for some folks. And it doesn't, but we were talking when we got here about ass pictures and like how everybody's ass looks without a picture. If we're not going to say it's better in the underwear for me.

Let's just like, right. We're trying to jockstrap everybody. Yeah, it's like, Oh, you do that little look in the mirror. You're like, I'm like, am I hot or not? Cause if I'm peeing and I'm like, it's like, and then you move, just subtly move a little, just a little bit. You're like, let me just see if it's better that nope.

So then you have to stick it out, you have to do a little, and then it's so unnatural. So, but then I've learned, you have to separate your legs as well, or it all droops together in the middle and the middle part hits and I have cellulite on my ass because I was like, let me see what happens if I flex my ass muscle, make it look better.

Nope. Doesn't work. Didn't make it look worse. It made it look puffier and bumpy at the bottom and I was like, that's cellulite. But here's the thing though. Again, this is my point though, [00:07:00] is that everybody's ass has cellulite cause it's a fucking fat sack of fucking fat. I think it's just a fat sack.

That's a good idea. Let's call it your fat sack. Eat my fat sack. Yeah. That's what I'm like. That's the ass now. The fat sack. Cause I do just feel like I walk around and just bobble side to side. But like, what are we, who are we trying to fool? And we all do it. We all arch. And it's like, girl, you see people at pride, standing still, with their drink.

Everyone's so arched that it's like, what are you doing? There are some guys that have the asses that don't sell you like, okay, there are some people, but it's rare. I crave them. I mean, we all crave them. We want to see him. We want to touch him. Why every once in a while, you just really want to fuck a 27 year old twink.

Yep. I know. A tiny little tiny name. Jack, he was a little ginger. He wasn't that cute in the face, but he had a fat ass and a nice body. Yeah, I even invited him to the barn at the end, but it was a joke kinda, and then I was like, am I a dirty old man? Probably. How young was he? He was like in his 20s, 24, 25, or actually he was 26.

Dirty, okay. As long as it's above 25 to me, I'm like, they're not young. As long as they're above 22 to me. That's me saying this now because in [00:08:00] about five years, then we definitely are the dirty old man. Well, and that's the thing. So where we are now, it's still like they're, they're young, but not that young when we're, where we're going to be, but it happens so fast.

I'm like, wait, I'm still cool. No, no, you're not. Oh, I know. So I'm like, I can't dress like I dress anymore. It's not cute to look like you're from the street, a little skater boy. And I'm like, wait, I'm, and this is why I go to gay campgrounds that are nude. Cause then you don't have to dress up. You just wear shorts the whole time.

Everybody wears little short shorts or just goes naked. I just realized.

This past week, three days ago, I was like, I hate dressing up. I hate it because I saw two neighbors walk in front of our house and they were dressed up going to an event. And I was like, what are you guys doing? I said, fancy. And then I realized, I was like, Oh my God, I do not want to have to do this.

Not like this process. It's like, you're putting on a show for people you don't even care about. Literally that's how I feel. I'm like. Why do I care if I'm dressed up for them? You [00:09:00] know, it's about respect. It's about showing them. And I'm like, who, I don't even want to go to this thing already. I'm going to show respect.

So I'm like, yeah, I'll go to your little gala, your little event, your funeral, your dog's funeral. It's like, I'll go. That's about all I can guarantee. Listen, here's the thing. That's If I have an expectation, I, If I'm having an event, I'm going to really make it very clear to you, do not goddamn dress up.

Wear your pajamas, wear whatever you want. Or wear, I want, wear a fleasure. And it's not even like I'm going in pajama, I wouldn't dress down for fleasure for me? Is that fleasure? I wouldn't, yeah, I wouldn't dress down, but I'm gonna, I want to do this thing , I think Karl Lagerfeld or some, one of the designers for a big, big line, used to only wear, I think it was him, he'd always wear the same black, you Black leather.

Mm-Hmm. . And then a shirt. Black pants, black leather pants, white shirt. If you just have a uniform maybe, sure. You can get away with it. Yeah. So I'm kind of wondering, do I just go to that where it's the same colored T-shirt? I kind of do that. I do that. I do shorts and a black shirt. I have so many hat, different color, just [00:10:00] solid plain shirts.

It's the same situation over and over again. I don't because why does it matter? I think with COVID too, that's where really comfortable. I used to like dressing up. Yeah, same. I did before COVID. I was all about it after COVID. I was like, no, thanks. Matt's always hated dressing up. I, it makes me have the, Oh, and now I am like, Oh, cause I would be like, don't complain.

It's just one time a year or like two times a year. You have to wear this, just wear that shirt and wear this tie. Oh, I have to wear a tie. He one time refused and wore jeans because he, he met my rules. I was going to a friend's wedding when I was in my dressing up phase. I had, you know, a suit checking on.

He brought a shirt and tie, like I said, shirt and tie and jeans and tucked the shirt into the jeans. I went up to my friend. I was like, Hey, sorry, Dan. He's like, Oh, it's fine. It's Matt. Expected it, Matt. And I was like, why are you wearing jeans, Matt? And these were the jeans. Did you not pre screen though?

That was that now you probably pre screen. Oh, I have to pre screen. He has to come to me. He tells me, he's like, okay? Or he'll put it on and I'll be like, yes, no. But he, [00:11:00] those jeans that like, I think late 90s, early 2000s. Remember when buckle was popular? Remember when the place to get those jeans with the stitching on the back pocket and down the side a little bit, a little too little flared up and it's like female.

It was really weird because it could be either and it's gay people, redneck people or right country country. Yeah, like Wear it or preppy and you're like still has jeans like that where I'm wearing this I would yeah I haven't seen a pocket like that in 20 years. It's not back on it out and you know, it's not back yet It's gonna be right.

It's not cargo. It's not the low wastage, but soon that will be back. It's not back back. Not really Okay, here's what the straight girls are Are making excuses people girls at work are telling me , Oh, no, my husband has cargo. Shorts are coming back. I'm like, you guys are lying to yourselves. You are convincing yourself that they're coming back.

They're not. Your husband just bought them. That doesn't mean they're coming back. I'm a little concerned, though, because I'm out. Cargo shorts are over permanently. Well, can I say something? I was on Amazon dot com looking [00:12:00] for shorts today because I was like, I need to buy a pair. That's right for New York.

For my body in general. Yeah, everything's falling off. Yeah. So this shirt, I never wore really cause it can never fit. And now it's loose. It's kind of loose. It's kind of tight, but it's fine. Right. Yeah, literally. That's what I was saying. Um, I don't know what I was saying and it's fine. You were on Amazon.

And. Cargo shorts kept coming up in baggy 90s pants is what they called it baggy 90s shorts, and I go wait baggy 90s is so now I'm at an age. So we're in an era. You're in an era. Yeah Yeah, we can't go away from we are can't we can't go dress. We're not gonna dress older that And we're still staying in, we're staying sort of in this zone, though, me, , let's see if a middle aged man, okay, we're wearing our new balances, we're wearing our low cut socks most of the time, sometimes I go high, but , most of the time I'm doing my low cut socks, you're wearing your, you know, shorts that are a little too long, probably that, you know, it's the same uniform, it's the same uniform, but we can't seem to break, because if I was like, yeah, I'm 90s [00:13:00] jeans, or shorts, no, you're not.

No. I wouldn't. Yeah. No. No. Not for me. So what am I? And what are we doing here? And why are we stuck? , why can't we go to the seventies and why can't they start putting out clothes from the seventies? Have you seen that shit? They just had a fucking vest with no shirt on. That's hot. We should bring that.

Wide, wide legged pants. Imagine that. Lots of room to move. Interesting. I think I'd be, I'd have the O feeling. I thought everything was made of nylon and other terrible fabrics. I need someone that's really stretchy and . For Christmas I want, or for my birthday I stretchy as you grab your balls. What is this?

No, I'm just scratching my leg. Okay, I was , stretchy. I have bug bites. Bug bites? I have bug mites from the Oh, that's a horrifying thought for me. Yeah. New topic starting now! Uh, it's a little Do you know I have a problem with? What? The you know. The you know? I, I'm already nervous about this. I actually got a feeling, an uh oh feeling.

Oh god, I hate the uh oh feeling. I don't like going to bed with you. Bug spray on my skin. Oh, no. Oh, so like, oh, okay. [00:14:00] Okay. I was like, do people shower before? Oh, yeah, people shower or you just are so drunk. I mean, it's a pen roll over and you have bug spray But I actually had these little bug Chitlins or they're little No, they're little bracelets and it's a bracelet you wear and it's has citronella.

Okay. I was like, is this one of those copper things from far of like, no, not a golfer. They're like, Oh, I have, I have copper and now my arm is strong. Anyone around the socks, they had made socks with copper than for the joints. We could probably like, do you see this shit that people buy and they got rich off of it.

My uncle had one. He's like, I got a copper base for my arthritis. I'm like, what? Why have we not come up with a copper cock ring? It's good for your cock. It's good for your cock. It'll help it grow. Good for blood flow. I don't think anybody's. I don't know if I've ever seen it. It could be a fun jingle.

Put it in. No, you don't have to right now. Later on when we're marketing. No, and I'm and I'll in post. I'll have Bobby. Remember? Remember make a song called when you go. It's got a flow. Unpolished [00:15:00] words. I keep it raw. Copper dick ring to break down the door. Get the blood flow. Make it grow. Hold on tight.

It's about to explode big dreams. I'm the king. Get the blood flow to make it grow. And it's going to be a copper cock ring cock ring that you'll see on a late night commercial Also copper is a natural birth control

So it could be like a so also for the straight guy what if we could get straight guys wearing This is what, who we would, oh, we would get straight guys because they want the gloves. Yeah, they do. They want it all. Oh, you have the glove. Why don't you get the cock ring? Now? The true athletes respect their cock.

They know how to take care of it. The copper cock ring will keep your cock young and fresh. Yep. We could really. We gotta figure out how to get a fake copper infused band that's cheap as [00:16:00] shit to make in China. Yeah, because copper can be too expensive. We need something cheap. Where it's a penny, where it's 10 percent copper.

Yeah, there's copper. Like 5 percent copper. , yeah. There's copper. We combine minerals. It's painted gold. , right. Especially copper. Definitely no harmful heavy metals from China. No, no lead in there. Totally fine. Everything's fine. Yeah, they're like, Oh my God, we wouldn't care, we'd be so rich.

We'd be so rich, I'd be like, fuck you, sorry about your dick. I guess we have to pay a fine. Oh weird, when you bought it, that was you acknowledging the fact that you Let's see a pic of your dick before you bought it. So it was already ugly. Fell off, oh no. Oh no. Well, maybe you should have not worn it so much.

We're really hating on cocks today. I really love a cock, man. Alright, so. Are you still at camp in your head? I don't know where I'm at, but I do have to say something. While we're on the camp subject, let me just get this out of the way. I need to say something, and I'm going to read exactly what I wrote when I was fucking drunk and high at the campground.

Amen, say a thurr. And then I have another thing. Okay, let me get my stuff up too, just so I can. Okay. So, I'm really sorry if you [00:17:00] listen and you're from Cincinnati, Ohio. Cincinnati gays are cunts. I got attacked this weekend by two cunty sluts who said Columbus gays are pretentious and one asked me in front of the entire hot tub He got it.

Yeah, is your face always look does your face always look like it's arresting bitch face and mean and nasty Fucking rude ass bitches now. I wrote this when I was fucked up. Wait, this guy said that to you No, so this yeah, so there's this couple from Cincinnati First of all, we have no room to be talking at all.

You're 26. 26 Z's. Not cute. Uh, and no offense. I hope you listen to the show, but fuck you. You were mean to me. We're pretend, are pretentious. That means someone shut him down, which means when he came to Columbus, someone was like, yuck. Right. And there's a reason you don't fit in. Go back to the river. Go back to the city that's shrinking.

Go back to the river. To the river! Go to Kentucky. Go to Cumberland, honey, because you don't even live in Cincinnati, you live in Cumberland. Anyway, so we're, you know, I get there and I get there early. Ready [00:18:00] for the pool. And I go right to the hot tub and these, this is before Michael got there. So I'm by myself, a little nervous.

I took a little edible. I was drinking wine out of a box. In my Stanley, yeah, I got bought. I got bought a box. Oh yeah. It's cheap. Yeah. And then I got not bad. No, I got Rose. I was like, it's good. So what I was doing the whole time, though, you know how my water trick now I do water. When I'm getting drunk, I do all water and then I top it with rose.

Ooh. And then mix it, and it's a, it's a flavored water, but it feels like I'm still drinking. It's all tricking your mind. Wait, how much is in, how much Rose is in the Stanley? Uh, a half. A half. A half A glass. Glass? Yeah. Oh, that's awesome. So you can drink then. I want that actually, because I'm in the hot tub.

Like I do not eat a lot anymore. No. Ever since I cut back. Back. It's good way to , like wait, I'm like, I had two drinks on Sunday night. I was a mess. Oh, I know. I was at dinner and I was like. All of a sudden I was like, I don't feel good. I'm like, I had a second drink. I think I'm over beer too now. , I think I need to just do liquor and I feel like I'm hungover.

It's so bloaty. I think that's why all the old gays switched to liquor and they, well, they switched [00:19:00] actually, cause they can get drunker faster. Well, unless you're the bucket gays, unless you're the bucket gays. The bucket, the bucket case stuck by the, the bucket. And you see what the bucket case usually look like.

So anyway, so I get there, I'm, I'm trying to be friendly. I'm just trying to make friends, I'm by myself. I was like, hi, I'm Bobby. , so was talking to all of them. It was kind of okay. It was fun, whatever. Well, that night, one of them messaged me on Grindr while I was in the barn. And he's like, where are you?

I was like in the bar and he goes, Oh, that's fucking hot. And so then I teased him, of course, and sent him a picture. Cause I'm like, yeah, cause he was, they weren't mean at first. They were sort of like, they started making fun of me for being drunk. And I was like, Oh, this is what I said. I go, I said, be nice to me.

He's like, would you be nice to you? And I'm like, what I know is a very good, honestly, it's like, yes, I would. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, but okay. First of all, you're 26. Anyway, I know I'm in the barn drinking off. He thinks it's hot. He doesn't come. Thank God, because I would not allowed it. But I was kind of just being a tease.

Next morning, wake up. I get a message from the barn. No, he didn't say no. The next morning he wakes up. He messaged me right away. Did you come in the [00:20:00] barn? What? What I said, come to the barn and watch. I said I mean, yeah. And he's like, that's hot. I was horny all night. Okay. So obviously you want an invite, right?

So obviously people are pretentious. There we go. So then the next morning they started calling me it. So I'm letting the slot they're like, oh it oh it it or it. Oh it has arisen or it has arisen Yeah, and I go it okay, and then it became a running joke to be cunts But it wasn't a joke towards no, it's not obviously you're cuz they did not I was trying to be nice to them befriend their meth is wearing off.

It gave me a little mmm. They're too chubby for meth Yeah. No offense. They're stoners. I mean, I did smoke out of their pen the first night, so thank you for that. Don't make fun of me because I'm having a good time at camp drunk and stuff. So this guy then, at the end of the god damn, so we're at the, Michael's there now, we're talking to our other camp friends, whatever, we're just hanging out in the hot tub.

He's across the way on the hot tub, I'm right here, and I'm sitting here and the sun's kind of setting and I look over and I kind of do a squint and I was , feeling great. Yeah. In front of everyone in the hot tub says, do [00:21:00] you always just have a resting bitch face or , are you always just angry first?

And I go, while you're looking at you talking to me, I'm fine. I haven't said a word to you first of all, would not go well. No, no, no, no, no. If I were there. Well, trust me. And so I was like, huh? And so then I kind of ignored it and whatever, but like, why would I would not speak to that? Do not disrespect your elders.

First of all, but second of all, yeah, like, fuck you. You're not cute. How is it a resting bitch face to look up? Because I mean, yeah, because you're squinting and I get, even if he was trying to joke though, it went too far. , you got to learn when to pull. Yeah. They don't know. And I wasn't even associating with you.

If I was talking to you and then I went, then you said it, it'd be funny. Like, Oh, no. And I go, no. And I'm like, what the fuck is going on? So anyway, if you're from Cincinnati and you're gay, I noticed that you're kind of clunky, you're kind of trashy and you need to get a grip and don't be a dick when you're, when somebody is trying to get fit in and right when you're just [00:22:00] meeting someone, don't, and you're going to be with them all weekend, right?

And then don't make fun of the next day. Cause they were drunk. And then, and you're like, Oh, it's alive. Yeah, it is alive. Fuck you, bitch. Well, also, there's some stoners who really look down on people who drink, because the stoner has a drinking problem that instead of dealing with it the right way, they've just switched their addiction.

Right. And they're literally on weed all the time, and they're like, Oh, you still drink? Oh, you're a drinker girl. No shot for me. I haven't touched alcohol in 10 years. And it's like, yeah, but you're high all the time. I do both. So it's like, stop judging other people just because you can't handle your alcohol like you're doing.

But , when I'm talking to you, I'm always making sure you know, I'm kidding. Yeah, boys did not know how to do that. And I obviously I'm don't I mean, again, we joke with people all the time, but it's not mean spirited. But I would be like, I'm just I'm just fucking nothing like that. He would just I would never do that.

And it was a couple and I'm like, I'm trying to show you people from Cincinnati that I know to help you, help make it make sense? Yep. It's that. It's that [00:23:00] Kentucky. I went, I went to Mexico City. It's that Kentucky and this motherfucker, they just tells you everything. It's like, oh, it's this, it's this crew.

Oh yeah. Wanna see where they're at? Oh, that guy's from Columbus, right? It's like that. It's like, and then they're gonna talk shit and I'm sitting there thinking , I'm sorry. Right. First of all, I didn't even come at you. I wasn't even looking at you or talking to you or that. That was what was weird.

It's like, it was, I don't want to be involved with it. Right. It's like, I'm like, I wasn't trying to talk to you or anything. I'm like, why are you coming? Are you mad? Cause you can't get my dick. That's exactly why he's mad. Yeah. So I'm sorry. You didn't roll out a red carpet. So say, come to the barn and watch me.

First of all, I saw that on that private album. I was not inviting you anywhere. Okay. So, sorry. Whoa, girl. And also, I feel like it was Perfect way to respond to that. Thank you. Okay. Now, I have some topics we need to discuss. Okay. I'm excited. Oh, did we go over this? I'm worried. Well, I'll tell you. Okay. I'll tell you.

A couple weeks [00:24:00] ago. Oh no. You probably already said it. Yeah, I know. That's what. A couple weeks ago at 2am, I wake up to the sound of Matt puking in the bathroom. I know the story, but I don't know if the people know the story. That's where I'm like, I don't think I told existent in this section. Because he accidentally took something.

Too much of something. A hundred milligrams. Yeah. . Oh my God. First of all, a hundred. First of all, hi. When you told me when we found out I had almost passed. I was dying laughing. And so I was dying. I was a hundred and I got panic. Alright, tell tell panic. Tell the listens. Listens. Okay, tell the story.

So basically I wake up at 2:00 AM and I'm like, what's that sound? Penny's next to me. So I know something no one came in the house 'cause she would've gotten up for that, but like. Matt's throwing up. I'm like, well, that's weird. I'm like, are you okay? He's like, yeah, I'm okay So he laid down. I'm like, okay next thing.

I know I hear him like I Heard another sound but no throwing up sound and I was like I don't want to get up because once I get up and [00:25:00] wake myself up and you can't go back I have to yeah, I can't fall back asleep. It takes me forever to fall asleep. So I'm like, I'm staying in bed I'm not I'm ignoring I'm ignoring Then I realized he's on the ground.

He's just laying on the ground. I was like, what's going on? Why are you laying on the ground? He's like, I just have to lay on the ground I was like, okay, whatever. I was like, fuck this. I'm not ruining my night arrest. Oh my. So , it sounds he was in distress, but you didn't know the difference in the middle of the night.

Because there are times where I actually thought he was on the couch downstairs cause he can't sleep up here or his joints will hurt him or his feet will start hurting. So then he has to get up and move. So he sleeps in the basement. He just sleeps. Yeah. He's done that before even where he was in the basement when I woke up and I'm like, where is he?

Sometimes I like that moment, but I'm like, I know, same. I just got panicked that we're going to record. How can you imagine? So then I wake up and I'm like, what happened? He's like, I don't know. I think I ate too much. He's like last night. I went down at like 2 a. m. and I had, he listed five things.

He's like, I had chips and salsa, some of that cheese dip, [00:26:00] crackers. I had the last piece of pizza and I had a popsicle. I'm like, okay. So 2 a. m. at two at one and then at two 30 or 2 a. m. And he did that. He ate that much, so much food. So I was like, yeah, that's probably why you were throwing up. Fast forward a week, we're cleaning up, and I see this bag of gummies, edibles, and I'm like, okay, I better put this in his drawer, and I'm like, which ones are these?

, I don't remember getting these. Blue raspberry, indica, , okay, these sound like that's why he would have them up here by the bed. I read the label, each one was 50 milligrams, and he took two. Before bed, so no wonder he was this whole medical program. He was And he was on the phone last week for five minutes to get approved reapproved, you know Oh, yeah, he's literally on the phone.

Hi. Yeah, 7 50 p. m. Was his appointment time. Mine was doctors like hey How's it going? Mine was 15. Oh, no 15 seconds. Yeah, you're like Pain. He's like, hey, saw it, pain. I'm like, yeah, it still hurts. It's working great. Cool. I approve you. [00:27:00] I can't. So yeah, it's a joke. But that's why I'm like, Matt, why didn't you read the labels?

You can read the labels, right? Because that's a hundred milligrams. Listen, I, I can't tell you, the most I've ever taken out once is 20 and you couldn't move your legs. And I was like, you're on the couch. We heard Jason and Joey's, I think the one time you did 20 and you were sitting back on the couch.

It is hell. Especially in a social Right. But for Matt, he just thought he got food poisoning because he didn't realize he took that much. I can't imagine. So because he didn't It actually probably helped him because he didn't know that he had had 100 milligrams. So then it probably didn't panic him.

So he didn't panic. He was like, oh, I just ate too much food or I must have got food poisoning. But wouldn't you feel a little, like, heavy and woozy? Oh, he ate the whole package of Oreos that we had gotten, or Chips Ahoy that we got from our corner store that you drive through. So rude, so rude. That were expired by three months.

Oh, well. Which I didn't eat, but I was like, we can throw these away, he's like, they're still fine. He ate the whole bag, so we thought he got food poisoning too. Well, and it could have been both. [00:28:00] Probably both, when you stretch your tummy like that. you take a hundred milligrams of marijuana. You're gonna eat everything in sight.

When I take twenty, I have to remind myself that I'm a human. I'm like. Breathe. We're going to be on the couch. You're like, I can't move. I can't move. So on 10 milligrams at camp, I was in these, we, they have these pool chairs. I'm, you know, the pool chairs with the little slits. Oh God, I hate those.

Your ass just falls through them. And there I am being all cute and whatever the edible hits. And I'm also popping the popping, puffing the pen. So I'm like, they're , and then all of a sudden I was like. I can't get up and I'm starving and I'm like, I can't get it. It's two o'clock and one o'clock in the afternoon to, for me to get up out of this chair, it was like, I mean, I, I almost fell forward.

And you can't really roll for it because you just roll onto the grass. You'll just roll and the chair will go over to you. Yeah, and I'm like, Uh, can I lean? No, you can't lean forward because your ass is below and I saw another person doing he was making who's [00:29:00] laughing because he couldn't get out either.

And then it's what started panic meals like I think you lower the back and make it completely flat is the easiest. Here's the problem forward. It's the it's getting up that from that low and being able to hoist your body up while you're sucking. But also you're high. There's no way. So I'm like, Oh, I mean, I started doing like, then I went to the food truck and I was like, I need to get some food.

You're like, can I get five hot dogs? I got a corn dog and cheese fries. They have that. Oh yeah. That sounds nice. Actually. I'm like, wait, cheese fries. Yeah. They're cheese fries are money. Oh, it's so good. So then I was like, Michael, I was like, I need to go. Having an enormous, even doing it this time. He was just laying out drinking and , hanging out with how can I, what's his name?

I was there. Uh, we met a guy named, there's a lot of J names this weekend, but there's one in particular James big boy looks he was 26 There's a lot of 26 year olds and 76 year olds sounds like camp, but he Looks like cam from oh, and he acts like I'm in here I was like, oh, [00:30:00] that's I was like, I want to produce your podcast he would literally I want to call it James in the giant peach because he's got a big ass Go ahead.

He reminded me of , he was so goddamn funny. Very, if he's like him, he's going to be, he's like him and he's loud that at night. He's like, Oh girl. , I mean, it's so anyway, I love, and he also was an offensive lineman in high school. So that's what you're really after, a taste of that peach.

I, um, kind of, I'm sort of gra I'm sort of graduating away from the bear community, and I think we, as you should. I always have, , I identify as a bear, but , I cannot You've never really, I think I don't I think I like to be honest. I think you settled for a while because you thought you had to be in that category.

The category I want is smart. The category is and smart. Let's me not work. That's the category I want. The category is housewife. Category is housewife. Yeah. I want my own goddamn show. I don't be like, you really should have that. I'm like, I just thought this yesterday. My God. No, I forgot to tell you because [00:31:00] here's how I thought about this.

And I'm sorry. I forgot. Cause I was in a moment. Oh, I got, okay. When I came home, I realized I walk in the door, everything's straightened. The floor's been mopped. I go upstairs to change. There's sweeper marks on the carpet. The bathroom is clean, not a hair on the counter top. It's white. There's nothing, no toothpaste, no stains, no stains.

I go outside, the grass is cut. There are flowers being planted. I'm like, what is happening? Oh, and laundry was being done. He went downstairs. Matt went downstairs to switch to that. Matt did all of this stuff. Oh, did you get a cleaning lady? All of it in one day. And I'm like, I don't have the mental stamina to do that many chores in a day at all.

I cannot. I cannot. It depends. For me, I have to, if I'm doing a laundry day, that's the day, it's laundry and I'm watching it or playing a game while it does it, but I can't and I hate it and I hate folding, and then I just leave it in the dryer and be like, oh, I'll get it tomorrow. Just grab it out of the dryer.

I used to used to do that all the time. I can't. That's what I did. I did too. If I was single, I would live outta the dryer can leave in the dryer. [00:32:00] So anyways, that led me to think. This is what Bobby should be doing. Except not the chores. But I don't want to do the chores. I just want to look cute. But I meant no chores.

Look what I did say, he wouldn't even know. And he wouldn't know. Lupita's been in. He's like, who was that? I'm like, I'm not cheating on you, that's just a cleaning lady. Fine, I could be an episode, but you really do need that life and the reason I just feel that you have and I kept so in my head, I was defending my position and I was arguing with Michael and I was like, he has creative ideas that he hasn't even been able to birth yet.

And he's had them for 20 years because he's busy doing the rat race, the bullshit. I was like, Why is he doing sprinklers? Why does he have to work? I mean, he has it. You were playing things when we were up in Park City on your laptop that I was like this alone could be something, right? This could be your income stock.

I just but it's like you can't not push my because you come home every day And it's like well time to wind down and I'm tired. I'm gonna take an edible because that's it headache. Yeah [00:33:00] And then the weekend comes and I want to have fun with my friends, so I don't have time then, or I'm hungover, because then I'm like, oh, yep, so, So that's why I'm like, I was arguing, I was like, Michael, you really could, you can do it, if I can do it with Matt, he can, you can do it with Bobby.

Yeah, , honestly, He has so many, , insurance things and all this other bullshit, he needs to start spending. I'm sorry. He actually is. Okay. Good. Okay. We've actually gotten to a point now where we're kind of like I noticed I was like when he planned a trip to Argentina, I was like, Oh, so you're actually going to go abroad.

Finally. Things are like, he's there's yes. Okay. Good. And it's one of those things where it's like, we don't have time. We don't have time. We are out. We're out of time. We are tick tock. If you're going to be worried about your fucking, and again, this is why these old men don't care about their inverted cocks.

They're running out of time. So every day is a blessing to them. So they're like, I need to just get my inverted cock out. And you can't see your dick. But yeah, you still lay in the sling and I have say something about a sling too. Yeah. I want to know because one thing at the camp you were in, I kept texting you drunk.

You sent a picture, but I mean, never full naughty. No, you have. [00:34:00] I did on X. Well, I wanted you to see, I was actually going to take that blurred out and take a picture of me and blur it out and as we make it on our new cover, but I needed , that's a good idea. I mean, I need to get a little more snatched.

Maybe in New York we'll do it. We'll do, maybe we'll do a risky pose. That's a good idea because no one can prove it. Maybe we'll do a risky puzzle and we'll just , drop trowel on the Empire State Building. I'm down. Let's go to a fucking deck. Or a rooftop bar. We'll be at the East River. We won't be at the rooftop bar.

We can do the Eagle. We have somebody take it for us at the Eagle. Okay, that's a good idea. But you were in the barn and you were jerking off, but you just sent a video of your thigh and then the barn view. And I could see the leg of someone who looked large in a sling. He was one of the inverted.

Okay, yeah, that's why I was like, who's this in the sling? But I didn't ask at the time because I was like, well. So let me paint the picture. It's red. The room's red. It's a red light. There's porn playing. Oh, yeah, yeah. There's porn playing on the TV. up there I saw. And I'm in there, and there's these slings that hang from chains, two of them.

Huh. Well, one guy was in there, while I'm in there jerking off, and he's around the corner, sort of, so you can't see me. Yeah, like, [00:35:00] all I saw was a foot, and a thigh. But, I can't tell you how annoying it is for, to hear, , This is gonna sound really bizarre, I'm gonna try to find the sound for it and play it for you guys right now.

Chain cling cling? Chains! Oh, I know the sound. When it's like, And it's like, it's almost like a punching bag. How it gets stuck and you're like, I hate that. And I'm like, I'm Oh yeah. This is hot. I'm like, it's like it's the porch swing sound. Yep. The porch swing sound. It's that, that's what ours does if you're going in, I look up and it, it's like rips kinda, I'd say That's like a Uhuh.

Mm. So he's in there just fucking swinging away. Swinging away. And he kept, he would adjust. He'd be like, blah. And everything's, yep. And it goes, so I'm like, I'm gonna leave the barn. Yeah. Like, I'm done. So I leave for an hour, I go back. Who the fuck is still on the sling? Oh, oh, oh. And then some Let's be honest, probably hadn't been fucked.

Well, this is the weird part. Some little, , twink came in, Mexican twink. Not that it matters that he was Mexican, but I'm just saying he was a little bit hungry. And he started eating him out and his ass, , you know, I mean, I'm sorry. [00:36:00] It's like, there's just not really an ass, or , it's just one big puffy, , puffy fold.

Yeah, it's a puppy. No offense, I don't care, but he's eating that asshole out. And then you hear the chains going and he's going off and I'm like, I can't come like I can't. You just painted the worst imaginal picture for coming. I could not, one little sound that's off. And I'm like, what's going on out in the street?

And I'm like, so, so if you're in a sling for over an hour, you need, there's a time limit. That's a good sundry. Well, mine's no way to hear my sundry. Okay. Save it. Cause we're not there yet, but. Not there. We're almost there. Okay, so what I have some other things I do too, but I think I'm saving a lot of my save for I guess save a lot for Friday.

Oh No, I love when I see and I try to go off now I'm on my notes how I'm actually feeling even doesn't make sense. It's so funny to read back my god this is something I was thinking of because I We were watching a show where someone was being kept alive on machines, a breathing machine and [00:37:00] tube feeds, feeds going through a fucking tube in the stomach and they're just like in the fucking bed in a nursing home, like Terry Shivo and like, I think a family member on the show or something was rubbing the arm and moving the arm slowly to do exercises, even though it's like, what's the point?

Um, I'm going to straight up hell. I know, but honestly, it's like. Yeah. And it's like, why are they doing? They're not even there. That's why I'm like, they're literally keeping them alive. And I thought, I kept thinking Matt and I really need to fill out the paperwork so this never could happen. Cause like, I would never want that.

Let this be the statement. Do not put it alive on a ventilator by putting food through a tube. If I'm not , I'm no, just don't do that after two weeks. If I'm in the ICU, just let me go. You gave it a good try. Two weeks is a long ass time to be kept alive by machines. After that though. Let me go. , I don't want to be like that.

Cause I'm having too much fun doing this. Anyway, so I need to make my statement then. I'm actually the opposite. Keep me alive as long as you fucking can. Ice me up, baby. Put me in an ice chest. Why? Cause I want to come back in the [00:38:00] future. Oh, oh, you can die though. An ice chest. You'll die. No, but I want them to cryo freeze me.

Okay, well you'll be dead though. Is that what happens when they cryo freeze? Yeah, they're just dead. I mean, they're everything's frozen like 2000 years if they can bring these people back. Did you know when the freezers went off? Actually, they were doing that and storing the bodies and like, it's like, imagine that there's like falling, you know, your great grandpa who was really hoping to stay around for the future.

He's not going to know. He thought. We left him out we're gonna marinate him though, and we're gonna grill him up. I'm gonna put him back in the

Okay, so I'm watching this show where they're doing the exercises on basically a dead person and I'm thinking I Hope Matt never does this to me But if they did I said if I ever go into a coma or have a brain injury and my family keeps me alive against My wishes will they at least do my nails?

And I put in quotes, [00:39:00] he always liked this. He always liked this because I literally, wow. Cause I'll be talking about like I feel like on the documentary they'll be painting your nails like He always loved to get his nails painted He always liked this And I'm just like, dad Totally dad, he always liked this He just acknowledged that Cause that's what, this family was something about like, you know, she liked this And it's a song that they were playing, she always liked this song And I'm just like, is my mom gonna be like painting my nails like He always liked that.

He was a little queer boy, but he always liked this. She's finally accepted your queer boy and you're in a fucking coma. She's like, oh, he should just accept your queer boy. And that's a tearful moment in the Hallmark movie. Because , finally, my mom is like, he always liked that. And it's like, oh, she finally came around.

And then I'm like, Mom! And I just she's like, Oh, you queer. And I hug her and she's like, You were faking the whole time. You were supposed to be dead, you faggot. Pushes me back. My head hits the railing. I pass by and then I'm out. I mean, I think it's incredible. Have you ever seen the videos of people coming out of commas that have been in commas for a long time?

It is a little like it's like, Are [00:40:00] you there? No, I don't. I think you're never going to feel right. I don't think that'll feel right. Well, let's just put it this way. People will always be making excuses for you. Because for the rest of their life, you forget something even big, your daughter's getting married tomorrow and you just , don't go.

They're like, he was in a coma for a long time. I mean, you can you have a free fucking pass. He used to love to run, but now. Like, he raped someone. He's like, I forgot that the consent laws were still around. Jesus Christ. He was in a coma for a long time. He's from the sixties. He's not a rapist. He's just from the past.

He just doesn't know. He's been asleep for 20 years. Speaking of, I made Matt watch the first episode of Mad Men yesterday. I've never seen it. Sexism is insane. Oh. And when you watch, because it was insane in real life, when you watch stuff from the two thousands when we were in the closet, it's thousand.

And I'm like, oh, wow. You didn't realize how fucking terrible we were. You really forget. You were terrible bar, terrible. Barack Obama was against gay marriage. Mm-Hmm. Like we forget this shit. You forget this shit. Like completely Oh yeah, gay. Lemme just say this. Yeah. The last 14 years of your life have been great.

Yeah. Before that it was , oh, it's true. No wonder they no wonder. We used to get [00:41:00] tramp stamps and shit on our assholes. Like, this is bad. That's a good defense. But. Tramp stamps. Tramp stamps. Listen, I think that's because they ever like, oh, he's a bottom. They didn't have to talk about it It was like when you see a guy with a tramp stamp to me It's the biggest turn on my dick literally just trailer park trailer park and not trailer park guys the cute.

I torn sight Yeah, sometimes those trailer park boys are skinny boy with a big dick skinny boy the big dick, but it's gonna be the other team I don't Don't smile, but the daily don't smile. It's you just sit back and not all trailer park. Guys are that. We're not, we're going to go, you can't be canceled.

If you're a nobody, that's, that's true. Thank you. We'll be crying with you soon. Um, okay. This was. Oh, I bet I'm saving this for the sundry. Here's something that, uh, so I listened to so true the podcast with Caleb here. And so I've been doing that Trixie. Hi, I watched it all yesterday. Okay. What did you think about they, so they talked about, well, Trixie was something to cancel and she was like, I [00:42:00] think standing at concerts for me.

Oh yeah. And that like we, there's seats there for a reason. But in Caleb's like, yeah, but if you like get in the spirit and you're dancing, you, you would look at them weird or something. Usually. Trixie's like there are seats for a reason, right? It's true to me when I go to a concert. I always sit. I like to six I don't want to be i'm not old.

I'm not young anymore, especially boney bear in la with matt I was like we're sitting no I want to chill. I don't need to be first of all I'm, probably gonna be high so I don't need to be standing and feeling my legs are One of my biggest fears in life. Remember that, Crew Gamer? Where'd you go where you were real shaky while you were standing?

Oh yeah, it was during the Yeah, I think it was something like the anthem? You were with Ashley's or some Ash No, you Oh, who were you Oh no, Coldplay. Yeah, Coldplay. You were like, I'm really falling. No, I was I was nervous. It shakes my head. What does that mean? It shakes my I get really So here's one of my biggest fears in life.

It's your I never said it. Okay. I've never said this out loud I think one of my biggest fears and I'm gonna go really back in the time machine This is subconscious coming out there was these twin boys that were in elementary school when I [00:43:00] was in Fourth grade. Okay. And I remember one of them locked their knees and passed out.

What? Yes. So I, my biggest fear. Oh, I've heard that. Don't stand with your knees like that. Is standing with my knees locked. Oh, it just made me ache a little. So that's why I kind of do this. You know, that achy feeling in the legs. I was . Cause I'm afraid I'm going to pass out in front. That's one of my biggest fears is passing out in front of people.

How are you going to help me? Oh, there's. Well, now that I'm skinny, I guess. No, it's your height. We're not helping this. Yeah. I mean, honestly. You're going to fall to the ground, honey. You're going to have to get yourself up. And I do most of the time. Like, and I think about Utah. I literally splat, I splat and you remember me screaming period on God.

Let me just see if I have one more thing or do you have another thing? I need to save some, but I think I need to, uh, I wrote friend deleting you, even though you don't talk, still feels disappointing. I got deleted by my arch enemy. Yeah. He deleted me on Facebook and shit. First of all, you're still friends with my mom though.

So maybe. Delete her too. Right, [00:44:00] I can still spy on you. It's a weird feeling when you know they've cut you off now for real it's fine in your head You're like online is for real but online once you cut them out of your friend list, it's on Facebook. You really hate them It's like okay. We are not friends.

You don't even want to know what I'm doing in my life I mean, I've cut some people out. I've cut some people out recently. But I don't know why it hit me like this. But I was like, I think this is somebody Actually, I did to a lot of people recently. No, I think a lot of people go through a I think, obviously, he just turned 40, so he's like, I'm gonna delete all the people that I don't talk to.

So he probably has four friends. Max! I mean, that's fine. Max. I mean, it's fine. You can be , yeah, there's one thing if you're a cunt, you gotta be funny and personable and, or if you're just a cunt You gotta be really hot if you're a cunt. And that was, none of those boxes were checked. We're not gonna put you in a category here.

We don't want to categorize and we don't want to stereotype, but you had no check boxes in this situation here, honey, none, zero. So and now I'm free to talk about it because you're not my friend, so the [00:45:00] bitch is never going to see this anyway. So what I have to say to old friends is if you don't want me in your life, that's fine.

But when you delete me, don't worry, I'll never fucking talk to you or look at you again, you dumb whore. My God. But it hurt me a little bit. And I thought that was weird, though. It is weird because you get that feeling. So I haven't talked to him. I don't give a fuck about him, but it's weird. We are taught that losing a friend is so terrible.

It's not. And it's like. First of all, would a friend have acted like he acted? No. So it's like you lost a no one because he stopped being your friend when he did that. And I truly believe that the people, but it feels some people are seasonal. Some people are seasoned. They are. It's true. Some people aren't, but some people are.

Mrs. Dash, salt free table seasoning. Seasoning. Seasoning. It's called seasoning, honey. It's called seasoning, baby. I was like, well, at the end of our New Orleans trip, you were like, it's basically salt. The season is salt. I remember I was like swollen. The whole fucking trip, every dish we ate, we were like, whoa, that's salty.

Jackie just went to New Orleans and she's like, she's like, I don't think I'll go back. And I was like, [00:46:00] yeah. She's like, it smelled like shit on, cause it gets warm. That's why we went in the winter, honey. We didn't want to smell it. Oh, wait. Okay. Okay. You're smart. No, when it's hot, it's , sounds like pests everywhere.

I'm over it. I'm glad I went though. I'm glad I saw it. Yeah, no, you have to go. You have to go. And we actually went. I would go one more time with someone who hadn't been. I would go during Southern Decadence or some gay party. What's that? Oh, it's in Oxford. What's that? We're going to PV. Oh no.

Yeah. Oh no. Oh no. We can't go to New Orleans. We're gonna go to PV. We have to go to PV. Honey, I can't wait for you to scope it out. She's scoping it out this week. I'm scoping it out next week and I'm ready. She's ready. I've got plans. I've got plans. Actually, Jim. I've got plans. Actually, Jim. Jinx never mind next episode you'll be in yeah, we're running on Friday like no We're doing a quick back to back here, and you're gonna enjoy another Friday fun day We're gonna be so fun cuz I'll be drunk exactly.

I'm like I'm ready right now. We're just little tips or whatever Now yeah, so it's happening sundries. Are you [00:47:00] ready? I have a sundry. I have the best sundry you go first cuz yours are It's really unhinged. Mine's not as unhinged, but the personal aspect of it will make it unhinged. I feel also next week.

Remind me to talk about why I asked what a magnetic field is and how it works. I have kissing one Oh one. I have keyboard warriors. Those are the topics for next week. Kissing one Oh one keyboard. I love them actually. Yeah, I can make these work. So there are a lot of keyboard warriors that we are going to talk about.

Okay. Okay. Here's my sundry. Why the fuck is karaoke a thing? Is it for narcissists to just listen to themselves? I can't think of anything worse than listening to someone singing a song no one knows and absolutely butchering it. Now, this is gonna go out to the world. It's so fucking perfect. And think of the people who love to do karaoke.

Now Right. Inverted. Inverted, [00:48:00] yeah. It's like, and they have a certain personality where you're like, Oh, you're excited for the karaoke? Oh, you signed up for three slots already? Oh, you're singing that same song you sang last time? Why is that? That's actually a thing, I've seen that. Where the same person does it twice, and I'm like They know they can sing it good, so they're like So they always do it.

Yep, that's their thing. That's when they practice. Anyway, um I would rather be in a group of people who are all singing along at once To the same song that's playing over the sound system, then listen to someone else sing it badly. , let me just hear the original version, actually, because that's why it was so good.

, that's why it was a hit. Just let me hear it. I just got a whiff of weed in here. Might've been a little cooking, cooking on my blend up. You're cooking your brain right now. Yeah, my brain's leaking weed. Leaking weed. Now, wait, I need to say this though. About karaoke. So, here's specifically to gays. Oh, thank you.

Because those are the worst ones. They are. Because here's the problem. [00:49:00] You don't pick up. songs that anybody knows because you're trying to flex, you're trying to flex Broadway tunes, Broadway. It's always goddamn Broadway. They're going to sing a Broadway song that's seven minutes long, three minute inner frame in the middle.

That's just music. And they just stand up there like. I'm like, can we get a fast forward? You can't. You don't even know the story of the musical because it's from 1989. My mother got that studio. It was nominated for a Tony, I'm like, in 1989. It didn't win. What are you, what the fuck are you singing? I mean, it's, and it's hideous, and they can't always sing well, and they, or they, but they think they can.

Oh, then they're Broadway gigs. They're giving it their all. They're like, They give it their all. I'm moving to I'm telling you, it's literally the most psychotic thing I've ever witnessed. And I was like, listen, gays, get it together. We you're unfortunately you're the entertainment for the show. So when you're at a karaoke bar and you're up to sing, you got to think, I want to entertain.

You [00:50:00] can't think. I'm going to show these fuckers that I know this song from involve the audience, right? Like get them to sing along with you. Help yourself out. Get people dancing. Get people up. You're singing a sad song from a musical from 35 years ago from 1935. What's going on that nobody knows about?

And it was probably canceled. It's , Oklahoma or some shit that I'm like, what are you seeing? , literally, I was in Chicago with Matt and that this exact thing. Was it? Where was it? Roxy's or no Roxy's. What's across from sidetrack? Is that what I know? If I can glow, but we literally listen to this guy play Broadway tunes.

All songs we'd never heard. We finally heard one that we knew probably seven songs go by and I'm sitting at the bar like this would be fun. This would be fun if we could all know the song. No one was singing along. Everyone was like, okay, he's just doing his thing. So my sundry is about gay baiting.

Perfect. Yeah, I think you've made gay bait. Gay bitch. I'm like, how do we say the [00:51:00] past tense of gay, gay ? Are you a gay baby? How can you get gay baby?

Bye bye. Bye bye now. It's been a long a week. It's been a long week. It's it's Tuesday. Um, so gay baiting

did you just make that thing? Yeah, I go. You were just like. , uh, little baby boy. Lemme show that chicken wing. I'm great. Lemme show you how. Eat that chicken worm little bit more. It's true. I know. I don't get chicken wing show. You know how to suck a bone wing Dry. Okay. Okay. So gay baiting online, it gets bashed all the time, right?

. Well, only recently, the social justice warriors, the keyboard clickers, what do you call it? A. K. Gen Z. Stop! I was like, we all, you and I grew up, this is going to segue into my sundry, but you and I Grew up watching straight guys do porn gay porn and it was fine. Yeah, like what was wrong with it? We fucking loved it.

You're objectifying [00:52:00] straight men. Yeah You're putting terrible ideas in gay boys head they're never gonna have the straight guys like that's not true You're never gonna have the straight boy. Yeah, Cuz we are some of us right some of us already have some of us know it's possible Some of us have multi dated straight guys for nine months.

Some of us literally suck the Mary Dix. Some of us suck the Mary Dix. Oh, I'll put it in the AI and I'll play the song. Perfect for the Broadway karaoke. What's it called? Mary Dix? Yeah. Some of us suck Mary Dix. Okay. So, but then more recently you've seen people attack any straight guy doing Stuff for gay men.

There's literally attacks on straight guys doing and only fans. And I'm like, why do you think that that's gay baiting just because they're jerking off to the camera and advertising to gay men, gay men who love cock. Right. Why do you have to care if that's a straight guy or a gay guy? You like cock.

He's got a good cock. No offense, Billy, I want to see the straight guy's cock. How many times can I say cock in 30 seconds? I want to see straight [00:53:00] cock over gay cock. No offense. Also, there's that. Literally, a straight guy's dick is way better to me than any other. 10 gay, 10, 15, 20 gay cocks is the same as one straight cock for me.

, that's all I need to see what happened. My watch just changed. What happened? What happened? What happened? Personality makes you ugly as fuck. Okay. Okay. Let me just get to this. Because I know this is a long and winding road. No, it's fine. I think it's cute. Okay. It'll be fine. It'll be fine in post.

Post. I'll get it in post. I'll get it in post. So the gaybaiting thing is a real issue. I feel like there are some straight people that are acting gay way too much and then you realize they're not. And it's like, why are you doing that just to get money from us? I'll definitely pay you more.

Literally. I was like, yeah, sorry. I mean, don't even bring it up. So anyways, gay baiting is a real thing. I get there's people on both sides in real life though. I fucking hate gay baiting [00:54:00] and I'm over it now. Okay. And I've been over it for a while in real life. And I mean, real gay baiting, not with the subtle, not the joke, not the, this like, right.

Yeah. Just the fun, cute little things like that. I'm talking about, I've now realized that there is someone in my life who consistently over probably years has essentially manipulated me in a, in some way. Cause he knew he had a power over me in that way. This is so unhinged. Okay. Okay. Okay. So you'll get an impose girl.

Fuck. So I.

You kicked that one off. Okay. It was in that fucking weed. Oh. Okay, I just can't tell a story to save my life. I'm literally like I had one drink. It's one drink, and I am tips I'm like obviously you're tired[00:55:00] 

One drink to set you were just talking about that though how you've been drinking less so one drink does one drink can be tipsy Okay Tips I so I'm at work, and he comes in later, and I'm sitting there about to pack up my stuff and leave and And He starts talking to me about what he's wearing and he's talking about how the pants are Tight in the wrong places.

Oh, really? And he's telling me how they're too loose in the front Loose I can see his head at this moment. I'm not even fucking kidding. I'm literally staring at it because I'm like Well, you can't unsee it. First of all, what'd you find? Yeah, once you see the head it because if you don't It was right here like that's a ball but like yep, and I'm like Oh, and I just did say a thing because I knew he does.

I knew he was, I was like, why did he come to the, would he go to a straight guy and complain about the front of his pants? He wouldn't have done [00:56:00] that. No, we're a woman. Nope. So he's coming to me to do it. I'm like, huh, that's interesting. He also wears really tight clothing in general because he works out a lot.

So he wants to show off his chest, his arms, shoulders, and they get them all the time because in this setting, they're very attractive. Right. In this setting. Right. Right outside. That's not so much. Who knows? It's for its own to be decided. But he keeps talking about it and he talks about the waistband.

He's like, yeah, it's too loose right here. It's tight around the ass. , look at that. Turns around, makes me look at it. I'm like, okay, I'm just leaving. , I don't know why we're talking about. I'm like, okay. Yeah. I just said, uh huh. Then he turns back around. He's like, yeah, I don't know.

But like, come see. , this is not, he's talking about his waistband. He wants me to come feel the waistband. So I get up. I'm looking at the waistband, obviously looking down a little in, of course, because that's what he wanted. Right. And I'm like, okay, , what is this? , why is he doing that too?

, why is this out to here? And then it's like, it is a little tight. I was like, okay, yeah, it's not as elastic as I thought it would be. And then he's like, and it just [00:57:00] feels like here. And I was like, okay, I sit back down to get my stuff together to go. And I'm just like, Okay, like why just happen and I wasn't even the thing is it was amazing.

I wasn't turned on at all This is the thing I think because I was tired from work it was kind of a little bit um, it's weird he was trying to come on to you too hard and you're like, okay I was like, I gotta go i'm just trying to go I was like straight baiting people Well, that's what i'm wondering do we do the opposite?

Can we go up to them and be like man? I really want to go to that football game, right? I was fucking some chick last night. Yeah Who you've been fucking recently? Or I don't know what the equivalent would be. We would try to convince them that we're straight too and eventually just be like I guess we straight baited women our whole entire career.

You wanna go to the sauna? Yeah. We straight baited our, uh, girlfriends. You did. Oh yeah. I kind of did too. You had a little moment where you were gonna But I didn't give anyone the worst night of their life. Man, I'm proud of that. Proud of g Why not? You leave a mark either way. Honestly. Why not? You leave a mark either way.

You do. I would rather either be the most popular [00:58:00] or the Hallmark movie is that? I want to be remembered. And so if I were what? If I'm That's the way you're remembered right now? Not a good light. But I'm remembered. But you're not a good light. I mean neither was like Hitler Hitler, but he's talked about remembered.

He's remembered way too much way too much Yeah, it's like at a shake. I'm seeing these videos. What is like Hitler had a shake and I'm like, it's like, oh cool Yeah, when he's a faggot, but he won't go there for sure Definitely wasn't doing meth and playing around with his generals in the bunker.

Definitely. No, no, no, no, not experimenting at all You know how boys do you love to the military? Strip down now shower now, and he liked them pink Oh, and that's, let's not, let's not cast him in a good light here. Um, I was like, now wait, that's a good quality. He likes those hot pink. Okay. Okay. But yeah, so anyway.

Yeah. That's my sundry. I want straight guys to stop gay baiting me. They've been doing it my whole life because I, probably because it's my fault. Cause I [00:59:00] respond, but I'm not trying to victim shame, but I may be the victim, I may be the perpetrator, I may be the perpetrator, but I don't care anymore. I'm like, I'm done with it.

It felt so good. I literally was so bored, I was like, That dick that I'll never touch, cause you won't ever let me touch it, you won't ever let me suck it. Not that I really want to, but I want you thing to suck mine. Here's thing, this is kind of my new thing, but, but I mean, he's never gonna let me, this would right be, but yeah.

This is my situation. Situation. Right. I really, I feel like, yeah, there's so much potential there and there's obviously energy there. I have right. Energy, right. And then he does it to me. So I'm like, there's something going on here. There's, there's an energy that somebody's holding back. Not, it'll never, yeah, it'll never happen.

So I'm just like, eh, whatever. Fuck. Until you have a cock out in my face. I don't care about your waistband. I don't care. The head is showing and he's telling me to look at his crotch. What can you do to battle him back? He knows I'm looking at my crotch. So what do we say back to that? I'm , say you did it again.

What do you say? , how can we get them to be like that little thing? , what do you do? If I were you, I'd want it to be loose. I'd be like, yeah, I'd probably loosen up a little bit. Cause you don't want to see it. [01:00:00] Yeah. Yeah. I, or I'd be like, so loose. It shows your head. Yeah. How can you run of everyone?

Right. And that's the thing. , so loose. I can see your deck. Because don't you're right. I'll say that everyone can listen cuz he like oh you like sucking dick you do Okay, that's totally different direction, but yes, I mean, I think it would work actually I'm gonna talk about just don't bait somebody in general You can masturbate that right but don't bait them into things that you don't be a don't send things if you wouldn't do it in Person, that's my feeling.

Oh, I like that I mean, it's true, , you're not sending out pictures of yourself getting fisted, or videos taking a huge dildo, or, I don't know if you are, but I don't think you are, I don't think you're sending out things where you're in a sling getting, with two guys lined up, , you see what I'm saying, , you don't advertise what you don't do, here's the thing though, so why would, that's the most unattractive thing to me, when you send me a, and you're getting fucked by three guys, I'm like, why do you think that's gonna make me hot?

I know. It makes me want to take my docs. Makes you want to vomit. It makes me want to [01:01:00] take my prep all together. It makes you want to vomit. Well. Well, this has been another episode of Not Well. Give us a call. 614 721 5336 And, subscribe, tell your friends, tell your family, oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Touch your titties.

Touch your titties for every, titties for tots, no. I was just stretching and then I realized, I'm like, okay, can't do that. There's so, there's no tit. I'm getting, I have dysmorphia. You don't even have tits anymore. It's, it's bad. It's bad, I'm really scared. I'm like, there's no tit. Michael, I, I was wearing no shirt, and I was, I was walking, Michael was pulling up, and he was like, I at first did not I know I'm getting worried because I'm going to be in a crowd like well is that him?

Yeah, it's him honey And I can't wait for all the other of you in Columbus that might listen to this show But are cunts in real life and wouldn't fuck me in real life. Well guess what honey? I'm coming and when you decide that you're ready. I'm gonna tell you no it might be too [01:02:00] late It's a no for me.

Yeah, cuz I'm gonna be on the bus Bigger and better, baby. You really will be. I know like you're already there. I'm actually, I've been there. I know we're being honest. Also if you're going to be around this weekend in Columbus on Friday, we're going to fuck some shit up. So if you want to see our dicks or show us your dicks, we'll be out and about.

And that's when we're recording our next episode. Goodbye. Wow. Uh, it's like, it's like what's actually happened. Oh my. What's actually happening, Joe, Bobby and Jim. They got a podcast, you know, talking about every D tie. Putting on a show, Bobby on the edibles, getting that high while Jim sipping on his seltzers.

Ain't no lie, they dive into conversations. No copy. Too strange. Keeping it real. Yo, it never going change. Bob's laughing. Uncontrollable kite and Jim Sip.

So grab your headphones, tune in and press play. Bobby and Jim droppin [01:03:00] knowledge day by day. From animals to celtas, they got it all to share. The Nine Whale Podcast, show them some love and care.