Earthquakes Won't Stop Banjee Bitches from Smoking Candy Cigarettes on the Front Porch or Having A Sexual Revolution

[00:00:00] Let's just introduce ourselves so we don't go into a whole topic. And yeah, we got to do it. Hello everybody. Welcome to another episode of not. Well, I'm Bobby and I'm Jem breaking news. I'm a whore. I knew you were. I knew you were going to be. I like, I'm so ready for this trip and there's a bear party and there's, I was like, right.

[00:00:21] And then you got doxy pap. So I knew I was , it's happening. Well, I'm being smart and educated, right? You're being a whore. What I want to say though, is we will get into that. And I will warn you, family members, or people who don't want to know the real me, we can tune you out. , I'll let you know when I start the story.

[00:00:35] Yeah, that's a good idea. But first! But first! But first! We have a voicemail from somebody who's never called before, and I don't know if it's really a positive one or not. We're about to find out. I couldn't really tell. Oh no. Yeah. It's , it seems a little, is it one of the girls from AWOL? No, it's, it's a little unhinged.

[00:00:55] Okay. Well, we're used to that. Let me just see here. Oh my God. I should have been prepared, [00:01:00] but it's got home from my fucking day job. Yeah. I'm like, but also you're working a nine to five. It never ends. The work never ends, honey. It doesn't. It doesn't. And now that I'm a hooker, it's like, now I have triple duty.

[00:01:12] Okay. Yeah, you got to get tested all the holes, swab, swab, swab. That's the part that I'm not looking forward to is actually getting chlamydia. I know saying, I don't know how this is a two minute long message. I think he just sits on here the whole time. I mean, , look how long it is, but it's two minutes.

[00:01:27] Oh, are we ready? We're ready. Let's rock and roll. Oh my gosh, you guys, you can't just say JVN looks old. He was a meth addict. Oh, I didn't know that. Shit.

[00:01:51] Fuck. OK, I don't. Are you a meth addict? Now. It's still [00:02:00] going, but it's silent. There's birds. Or is that outside here? Is this your hotline? Oh, he probably didn't know it was on he thought it was probably ,

[00:02:09] again, sorry, I'm in like a full panic now because your hotline doesn't do the little, it records the message then you can listen to it 50 times and make sure it sounds okay. . So I'm sorry, this is just gonna be a long rambling. JVN was a, not that, um, but was funny. J vn, I know , this is funny for me. Okay. Um, I am exactly, almost exactly six months older than JVN, and I was like, how is it possible that this person is younger than me?

[00:02:50] And, um, They were a former meth addict, so I think, I think that is a struggle but it is, it [00:03:00] is Oh, this is the best message I've ever heard in my entire fucking life. I don't even know what the fuck. You're making fun of us.

[00:03:09] This sucks. I hate this. I'm sorry. Well, now we have two things to make fun of. Obviously. Bye. Okay. So I had no idea. Fully appreciate that phone call because honestly, you're right. I don't think it has an option to be like, let me hear myself again. So when you call us, it's go time. You go. That's why I mean, I don't know if you notice a Thatcher if you've been listening to the show sometimes.

[00:03:31] It's our little. Sometimes. A little out there because he's got a, I mean, you don't have time to think. He just goes, you're just going. He's gotta go. It's ramble, and that's fine. We ramble. We ramble. Look, clearly. And JVN's younger than you. So, yeah, like way older than me. But! But younger in age. No offense, but he looks like shit, and that's the bottom line.

[00:03:49] And I know he might have been an ex meth addict, but I'm an ex Drug? Right, I do drugs. I mean, you're a drug user. I'm current and it's gonna hit mid, mid episode, by the way, so [00:04:00] get ready because I'll probably be talking about my sexcapades in New York City. It'll be like, Oh so yeah, so thanks for calling.

[00:04:06] Thanks for giving us the update. I actually didn't know that. It makes perfect sense. I forgot, but I knew that it really meth really takes it out of you. You can tell. Also, I think he might've been alcoholic his way. His stomach kind of swells. Yeah, it's it's like a really weird he's skinny everywhere and then he has little like Yeah, and I think it might have been from the alcohol use or just I'm not do I have that I'm No, no.

[00:04:24] No, we don't have that. No, it's that it's when they're skinny fat where you're But you're not skinny fat like that. Many times I look at your You're low fat, honey. Okay, it's just lower. You're not high fat. You're low fat. Yeah, it's true. It is lower. If it's a higher fat where it starts right here It's like waist, ass, and then low.

[00:04:38] Right. Okay. I just made all that up, but it's fine. Low fat, high fat. And mid fat. Well, we also know about lazy fat. And then fit fat. And fit fat, like hot fat and lazy fat are very different. Very, very different. As we saw at Cannonball, as I saw this weekend, I, I can't wait tell you, but I gotta , we gotta just get through our Yeah, like let's just see our other topics.

[00:04:57] Let's get through it. We're about to be taken over by [00:05:00] No Capades. I wrote on here, and I think this is 'cause when did we see each other last? Were we out in about No, it was like a week and a half ago. Like Monday. Were we out? I swear. Were we out? They went out together We did two weekends ago But yeah, and then we saw each other and recorded.

[00:05:22] Oh that night Saturday. We recorded Saturday and then went out. That's why so yes It's been that's what I was like, I haven't seen you in a long time so I guess I wrote down that night. We we're the buck. Let me read this again. We're the bucket gaze of the future So I think we were realizing, I think that's when we had our moment on the day.

[00:05:39] Okay. I remember now. I think we were kind of like, we were feeling our oats. We were on the dance floor and I said, do you know we could fuck anybody in this room? And I was like, Oh no, we're the bucket gates of the future. We think we're so hot, but you're really just carrying buckets through. Near we are, we're carrying our seventh high noon through literally literally they're like, when you drink 17 of them, , but you actually have a new system with this water and ice thing.

[00:05:58] And I'm sorry, they're [00:06:00] like, We can't give you that cup. It's 30 cents extra. I know. I'm literally like, no, you know who we are. I know. I got no offense. Sorry. No offense, but like credit card. Hi, I'm asking you to pay. I'll pay for ice and the cup. Oh, it's the dollar. That's cool. I'll tell you what I want.

[00:06:18] Pour a little goddamn water in there. It's like when people don't want, well, they get the next level up on the shelf. , yeah, that's extra too. Why can't I have a cup? That's, but you're not asking them why they can afford that. He said our manager. It doesn't want to just give these out because they're cost more.

[00:06:32] Okay, good. I'll pay for them. Then charge more. Do you want me to bring my own cup? Because I'll do that too. And it's going to have a little squirt squirt. Actually, I should just bring my own goddamn cup. Yeah, you should. I'm going to bring my own cup. King cup. King cup. We'll have little sayings we can sell them.

[00:06:45] Instead of queen size, king cup. Yeah. Are you tired of being a boring old queen? Tired of boring old size queen? Try the king cup. We could have a food stall stand outside. A Susan. I don't know what that even is. A Susan. No, it could be a seasonal item for the summer. It could be a summer cup. Certain [00:07:00] weeknights are king night.

[00:07:01] Well, I already want to do a bear happy hour. Yeah, I have a lot. I went to New York and re realized I rediscovered some things. What do you have? So From when we went out that time, I also wrote applesauce outside a bar at Tremont. Oh, oops. We were about to go into, we did go into Tremont. We did go and I was shoveling graham crackers in an applesauce.

[00:07:22] You were eating graham crackers in an applesauce squeezy. Yeah. Because you hadn't eaten in a while and you needed some sugar. Oh, I have. Baby bird needed sugar. Baby birder. Baby bird was a little bit tips, a little bit out of control. No eating all day. I had eggs in the morning, a little bit.

[00:07:38] I was like, are you ready to go out? I mean, you had no food in your system. I had none. And it was like, you did already have alcohol. So it was like, it was bad. It was building to the point. It gets to that point where you knew the bag of chips in the bar were not gonna do anything. But then I was like, applesauce is gonna do something?

[00:07:53] No. Applesauce is even less. , I need something that's gonna soak it up, not just blend with it. And here we are. I had applesauce outside the bar [00:08:00] and you were like, what the fuck? I literally looked over, I was like, oh. Cause you were , you're always hungry and wanting to eat, eat. What do you want to eat?

[00:08:07] We'll get what you want. Get what you want. We'll get what you want. And then you were just like, I love that applesauce. I love those things. If you want to ever. Is it? It's Kirkland, babe. Okay. It's Kirkland applesauce from Costco. And they're just little squirts. Huh? It's really such a convenient little snack.

[00:08:20] I haven't had applesauce in years. It is five plus years. Five plus. Do you know the last, when we got that? It was when I was sick before we went to Austin. That's the only thing I could take down. Uh, I remember when I pooped and I remember pooped and threw up in the end. I think it was, no, I was taking an antibiotic.

[00:08:38] Yeah. It was that and I was like, Oh God, I just forgot about that. You probably had C diff. I think I was on borderline C diff. I don't think if I think if I didn't stop the antibiotic, I would have died. I saw something on Twitter today and I want to talk about it. His name is Matt Eanes. Eines. We might've talked about this before.

[00:08:55] Why do you have a screen protector on now? Or is it just, Oh yeah, no, I got into that. [00:09:00] I got a new case off Tik TOK and I didn't realize it was a screen protector one. Okay. Or a blocker. So, you know, when you Google my name, it's. nothing but naked pictures of me. So when they, you know, type in madness, you know, it comes up and says, shows me coming and being naked for everyone who wants to be exposed.

[00:09:20] Everybody could share the pictures. I appreciate it. Also groups getting pretty close to a thousand people, which is Wow. So I'm not sure if this is also meth related or jerking off for fun or if that's just for clout. It's almost , it's almost it turns him on, so he's like, uh Yeah, he seems nervous.

[00:09:39] Say my, say my fucking name. It's like, okay, is this narcissistic or Yeah, I watched another one where he was like, I want to be exposed as the dirty freak. Oh yeah, yeah, we've watched this before, but I saw this and I was like Driver's license, right? He's like, I have new customers that I hope when they look me up, they see me jerking off and coming.

[00:09:54] I'm like, which is fine. I guess you're King, but right. It may be. [00:10:00] We're not King shaming, but, but I don't get it. I don't get it either. I'm trying to understand. In a sense of you want to because you want the shame of it, right? You want to be shamed being shamed is horny for you and I don't know what trauma that I mean We all have our traumas obviously so what are you getting activated?

[00:10:18] I want to in your past. Yeah or me Yeah, or me or me We are we know you know you want an old dad. I'm ready for a dad Say you're a good boy. I'm ready to get my background and that's the tea and that's the shade and that's the episode That's the episode. I hope you guys had a great time something we need to discuss.

[00:10:34] Okay candy cigarettes Oh yes, we could do. Why? Okay, are those a thing? And why am I still obsessed with them? And I want a pack and I want , but also why are drag queens a problem? But we're gonna give kids fake cigarettes. Ex literally we were, we're like, like here, kid. How candy cigarettes, how capitalistic is that?

[00:10:51] The drug com or the tobacco company was like, let's make candy six. If we make 'em candy, then they'll really want the real ones. They, and we did, they'll graduate and then we did get the, and then we smoked paper oregano [00:11:00] with notebook paper. I'm surprised my lungs are still here. Yep, I've said that before.

[00:11:04] You have Italian lungs, . I have an Italian stallion, lung . I have Italian. What do they call a steel lung? Put a little tomato sauce down there, honey. And you got a lasagna. You gotta breathe it in though. Ooh, that would burn. That would burn so bad. No sauce in the lungs. Um, no. No sauce. No sauce. That's a spaghetti sauce.

[00:11:22] No sauce and no spaghetti song where she says that No sauce. Country, country, pet, pet, pet. All the same to me, playing Jane Spaghetti. No sauce. No sauce. Sauce. No sauce. No sauce. What else do you got? Candy cigarettes. Oh yeah, candy cigs. So did you ever have this kid? Yeah. Okay. And they would be powdery.

[00:11:40] So you'd be like, cause the flavor is not good by the way. It's chalk, but I kind of like it. Neck wafers as well. Listen, do you remember dipping? Yeah. Smart dip that fucking. It was gross. I did part. No, see, I powder. I love the stick. Oh, we should have been friends. You could have had my sloppy. I've had your [00:12:00] stick and you could have my sugar.

[00:12:00] It's like, you're like snorting it. I'm like, and that's how you knew. Oh, I fucking love that powder. And that's how, you know, we'd be friends. That's how you knew. And that's why, you know, we're the way we are now. Why sticks? I could just see you going. They taste really. It's like fucking things from the freezer.

[00:12:20] It's Those little candy, those little popsicles, those are real. Yeah, I probably did sling it like that. And I'm like, Matt literally looked over and then looked at me and he was like, Bobby really likes those things. You have to though. If you've had one, you got to get the juice out. I got to look up the brand again because we tried to find them the other day.

[00:12:38] Outshine. This episode is brought to you by Outshine bars. I'll teach you how to suck them. And the favorite flavor is the lemon or no, wait, lime. Lime you like. And it's a little. But it's good. Oh, and it's only 60 calories. A pop, I think, or 70, 60 a pop. So when I'm, it's like nothing. When I'm fucked up and I need a [00:13:00] snack, I'll have three of 'em.

[00:13:01] And it's only a 50 calories. Like it's, it's literally like, okay, I think the whole box is three 50 calories. It's less than a bag of m and ms for three, literally one piece. So pizza is the whole box. So it's , it's , why only 17,000 of these shit? And they are, and they last longer too. And you just, you just suck and eye, no sauce, no sauce.

[00:13:17] So it sounds like we're getting into a saucy part of the episode though. We are, but I have one other thing I want to talk about before we get into my sauce. I have a couple two things, but I want to I brought I heard this before and I'm do you have Facebook? No. Okay. Well, I do. And there was a big question about Facebook and do you delete it as an adult?

[00:13:36] And as for me, it's probably yes, because my, so basically it came up that digital cameras are in now, right? The kids are bringing them back, but what the kids don't know is , we used to take 75, 000 pictures and post them the night, the night of the morning you'd be loaded and you had to make sure you tagged everyone.

[00:13:54] And the fucked up part is it took. Way longer than does today. Look to upload a photo. It was , Oh, it [00:14:00] was probably like, yeah, if you had a hundred photos, you'd have to wait overnight. It'd be , wait, two hours, leave your laptop screen open and hope it doesn't go off. Don't try to refresh it. I mean, it's, Oh, that was so annoying.

[00:14:09] So what I'm going to do though, is what I thought about and what was funny that this person said was Facebook used to do these dumb ass fucking. Names for the albums that from that night. So I was like, what are my albums called? And I'm going to read a few of mine. This is horrifying to me. It is so bad.

[00:14:26] They would call it, they would name it. One is called voodoo motherfucker voodoo. We got to get that screen thing off. I can't see a damn thing. Shiz nasty slop fest. Brew ha ha brew ha ha too. We still love Gumby. It's Gumby. Do you even understand English? That's one of them. Excuse me, sir, but you're a fucking asshole.

[00:14:48] Bolly like a lady cop. You want to make some blurry muffins? Wait, Facebook suggested these titles? No, these are the titles that from the night. It'd be like, [00:15:00] Oh my God, what is the quote you just said? Oh my fucking God, do you want muffins or peanut butter? That was so funny. That's the name of the album.

[00:15:08] You would get your album ready to go. You'd load all your photos and you'd go to sleep. And the next morning you got to wake up, tag your friends and everybody could see how fucking cool you were. That was the only way. That's the only way we could communicate. People would be like, you didn't tag me in that.

[00:15:20] I know people were so mad. I was there. It's like you're in 15 of the photos. Like, no, you were there. Also, why did we need 50 of the same? It's like. Even bad photos, bad, everything was up blurry back then. Like to have a photo that quickly was so rare. Right. And it was like, we're cool. It was amazing.

[00:15:36] It was like, I used to, I remember in high school graduation parties, I went around with disposable cameras to each party. So I had one disposable per that day's parties. And over the course of the week, I probably turned in four or five cameras at once to Kroger and then went and picked them up. And it was like, you had to wait for the fucking photo days.

[00:15:52] Four or five days. They're like, here's your photos. And then the one camera, like four of them were terrible. They were overexposed. Your fingerprint was on it. You [00:16:00] ruin the photo and you wouldn't know until you picked it up. You're so excited to get this picture and you're like, well, that was ruined.

[00:16:04] Psychotic. Think about that today's world. I can't even look at a preview. I have to just, that's why we're spoiled. That's why, yeah. , That's why the kids these days don't get it. That's why we don't have generational or wealth. Yeah, that's why we're not building it yet. But apparently there's a big shift happening.

[00:16:17] So oops, bye baby boomers. That's what I wanted to say. What do you have? This came up on Easter, which I think were you in, were we, so that was the Sunday after I saw you Easter, right? You saw me Saturday after you got back from your parents, but I don't know if we were covered Easter Sunday. We haven't.

[00:16:33] Okay. Oh, I think I know you're going to say, cause I think you sent it to me. Hold on. Is this going to be appropriate or are you going to get in trouble? Like you need to think about this before you need to think of your repercussions. I don't think anyone will ever. Matt might hear this and be like, I know he said it, so I don't care.

[00:16:49] OK, fine. So maybe it's do you remember this then? I think so. It's all about. Oh, no, I wrote something down, too. Oh, the porch parties. Yes. Yeah. That's one of them. Listen, we got to talk about front [00:17:00] porch parties after this, but. So Matt has a niece who is large. I mean large and in charge real large Which is nothing wrong with that.

[00:17:09] No, but she's been large since childhood She always you know, only eight certain, you know that like thousand pound scissors large yeah, where you know, they're picky eaters and they only eat the McDonald's Dairy Queen it's like Yeah, you're not really picky eater. You eat everything, but just the worst food.

[00:17:26] You pick the worst food. You're picky because you just want sugar, right? It's like, right. , that's not really picky. It's like Dr. Now is like, you're not too picky. Eat 30 of everything. You don't gain 100 overnight. Right? And she's like, I don't know what I did. I worked out. He's like, girl, you ate too large pizza.

[00:17:42] I want to get I want to get a doctor now. And I do too. We'd be like, girl, honey, honey, you didn't lose shit this week. Did you? You look fat. So this niece who's large was describing to everyone in the room on Easter Sunday about how when she was growing up, yeah, they had this, they had a lot of [00:18:00] different dogs, but one of them, they had a shih tzu and the shih tzu disappeared one day or ran away.

[00:18:06] And Matt, without missing a beat or thinking about his words said, did you wrap it in bacon?

[00:18:16] Savage. I, that is the Matt though. That is the random comments and you're like, what the fuck did you just say? I lost it along with his brother in law's brother. Everyone lost it. I mean, everyone, I just looked at what did she say? She just laughed. That's like, well, she probably did. She's like bacon and cheese.

[00:18:39] Shit. Ha! I'm an omelet and there was a skewer down in the middle. Sue omelet. I had Shitzu meat for weeks. Cha cha. First of all, I hate Shihtzu. Sorry. I know. If you own one, I just smash face. It just depends just get a cab. Penny can have that smash face. No, but she's also , she's a dog dog. She got the long legs she can run.

[00:18:58] Yeah. I don't know. There's [00:19:00] a full different, shihtzu is like, they're a little grumpy too in there. I've always met Shitzu that are grumpy. Yeah. Is that the one that looks like they have weird hair? Kind of straight hair. Yeah, I can have straight hair. It's like I knew when I was named was Brittany So I knew a shih tzu named Brittany and she was a fucking cunt and that makes sense like Brittany It's like Brittany like girl.

[00:19:20] Who the fuck do you think you are shih tzus are like, it's not cute. They're like, I'm sorry Yeah, I don't they're good. They're good with their mix sometimes like I've seen some combo dogs that are cute with shih tzu, but Pure Shih Tzus are weird to me. They're like your friends who some nights you're like, they're the coolest person and other nights you're embarrassed as fuck.

[00:19:37] And other nights you're like, Tzu, Shih Tzu friend. So yeah, I'm just saying now Sunday on Easter Sunday, we did have a porch party and I think I made a comment. I just said there's just something about a front porch party and I don't remember my exact words, but I was like, we need to talk about French port front porch parties.

[00:19:57] When you see a front porch, you know that [00:20:00] there's going to be . Some it's a wild some fun devil. There's a fun dip. There's me bubbles. Oh, yeah kickball in the yard kickball in the yard Literally a frisbee that was like half tuned by the dog, right? I should see that's missing It's multiple generations multiple generations.

[00:20:15] Some people don't talk. Some people talk too loud. Some people are screaming Some people are kids are running around and sleep in their rocking chair. Kids are crying kids are wet Some people are muddy drunk. Some people are getting drunk more on their seven. They're going in Kugel summer Shandy I literally was like, I've had five summer shanties in like a four hour period.

[00:20:33] I was like, I've had four of these. No, this is fifth. Oh, I got to stop. But there's just something like lemonade. No offense. Like there's backyard people and there's front yard people. Right. Front yard people throw the fuck down and they do not care what it looks like. They don't care what so many people drive by.

[00:20:48] And we're like, Hey, yeah, it's like they'll get the grill out right in the front yard. And you're like, Oh, Okay, I'm a backyard kind of a girl. I don't want people to see what I'm doing. Yeah, we're backyard people. Yeah. Like, sorry. And it's [00:21:00] not a class thing. I think it's more like, yeah, it's like, I would rather not share my entire life with the front yard and everybody in the yard, but some people like that.

[00:21:07] And that's, that's. We hang out on your porch too long. We're going, we're going to dialysis. The dialysis van will pick you up. Across the street, yeah. If you're on that porch, you'll get honked at. You might get the wrong one. They're like, you look like you need dialysis. And if you go to this one, you might get the ambulance called.

[00:21:22] You'll get COPD. And still live somehow. God bless her. God bless her soul. Graduated hospice four times. Yeah, like I didn't know you could get in and out that quick like she's like, well, they're like It's the last leg I'm like, oh really and then all of a sudden there she is in the back deck Always seems to be out there when I want to just like get naked in the hot tub Oh, it always seems to be just like walking down the steps.

[00:21:44] Oh when I'm getting my fucking mail and it's always It's like it's every every time. Why are you not a front porch person? I'm not Yes You do have a good front porch, though. You have the swing. And it faces towards the door. [00:22:00] Right, so I think that's a, in my opinion. And you have like a bush, I feel like, or something.

[00:22:03] It's like kind of, it feels secluded, a little. It's covered, and it's like steps. That's different. I'm talking about the like, I picture a one level home. Yeah, just, just porch. And it's like, it's like a one little step. It's not even like, yeah. It's like, um, and that's how Matt's parents are. It's like there.

[00:22:18] Yeah, it's like a house that, yeah. a ranch from my front porch looking in. So, but I will recommend if you are on the go and you're like kind of feeling yourself, go to a front porch party, just stop in, they'll give you everything. I used to do that at OU when I was down there. College kids do front yard parties.

[00:22:34] Yeah. Yeah. They're literally like you would, I would, one time I was on like a run when I ran. First of all, Iran, Iran nuclear deal. When I ran, which I regret because I probably looked horrifying. I think it probably fucked me up. Yeah, it did. No, it probably did. I don't think we're supposed to run on concrete.

[00:22:53] Pound pound pound pound pound. No, exactly. We're supposed to run barefoot on like, nature. Nature. So like it's natural shock absorbers. [00:23:00] You're supposed to have your scrotum and dick bouncing around as you run. It probably helps get the Maybe maybe that's why there was a lot of showers stretches There's a lot of showers back in the game were more shows because they weren't being like push They had a look.

[00:23:12] Yeah, and ours are like we're sitting in a desk all day with my dick just like Crumped up inside. I know it's like going in. Oh, no, it's something happened to yours Speaking of. Oh no, no, no, no. Oh, it's coming out at work. Oh, no, no, no. I'll tell you about a new Boston town. I'll tell you a story after this.

[00:23:29] Anything else? Let me check this because someone's getting naughty. Before I get naughty, before I let everybody know. Speaking of, okay, speaking of slots, speaking of Beyonce, no sauce, no sauce, no sauce. My new favorite insult that I think I can't wait to use this summer is calling someone a Creole banjee bitch Where the fuck did you get that?

[00:23:51] Jolene and she's like I'm still a Creole banjee bitch from Louisiana Creole, you Creole banjee bitch. You're gonna have to like sing it though every time I [00:24:00] feel like cuz say it normal without Creole banjee bitch. Creole I can't say Creole, that's the problem. Creole. I'll just call you a Banji bitch.

[00:24:06] You're a Banji bitch. You're Miss Banji. Miss Banji bitch. Miss Banji bitch. I'm telling you, that's going to be the insult of the summer. I'm calling it now. You heard it here. Do you keep Creole though? You Creole Banji bitch. I'm just going to call them Banji bitches. I'll just call you Creole. Oh, you can say Creole.

[00:24:22] I'll say Creole. Creole. Creole. Creole. Like, think about the word. You're like, Creole. Let's just spell it though for a second. Creole. C R E O L E. It is a weird. Creole. Creole. Creole. And when you're down there, sometimes it sounds like Let me guess where those shoes are from. Where'd you buy them shoes? Let me guess where them shoes You are Creole Banshee bitch.

[00:24:40] You are Creole Banshee bitch. And I don't know where I got my shoes from, so stop asking. Baby, we call it seasoning. Seasoning. I was like, what's a good flavor? It's like, seasoning. I'm like, salt? Just salt. Just salt. Some of the things we had I was like, is this just salt. Got it. It's just salt. It's just like, it's too salty.

[00:24:56] On like, creek and creek bugs that you eat. [00:25:00] Crawdads. You Creole Banshee bitches down in New Orleans, which they're actually flooding right now, I read on the news, are they really? Yeah, so I'm glad we went when we did, um, now I have to tell you, and I'm now here's where I'm going to start the story because I just have to tell you so much, but like so little, it's not gonna be like annoying, but I like that the trip started off very interesting for me.

[00:25:21] And I told you about the head into New York City. So head into New York City. Okay, so if you don't want to listen to them. Me talk about penises or sex or anything inappropriate. And you don't want to see me in a bad light. Just stop listening right now. She's gone. She left. That's it. It's just us guys. I was like, wait, you have to listen to me.

[00:25:42] You're like, if you don't want to listen, I'm like, well, except for Jim, he's a contract, contracted to your contract. If you want your paycheck, you'll say, you want that check, honey, you want that yeah. From bulge band. com. It's like really? Which I ordered another one today for no reason. I need [00:26:00] more. It's, I need a couple to like I need for, because she say GI , which I can't say that.

[00:26:05] God, I can't either. pv, I have to say pv. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm a basic ass Banja bitch. . It's great. Oh, it's good. Oh yeah, it's good. I'm sorry. You Banja bitch. And we know a lot of Banja bitches. I do too. . I don't know why I'm looking at my phone like this, but I am . You're like, because the edibles hitting. Yeah, it's been 45 minutes since you took it.

[00:26:24] So you're fully. So, we went to New York City for Michael's birthday. Michael's like, I want to go somewhere for my birthday. I was like, okay. He's like, New York City. He's like, okay, so we both go to New York City. So, I recently purchased a product called Bader Bomb, and it's actually fucking amazing. I have more on the way because I had to get it.

[00:26:42] What is this product? So this product is for baiters, as you will, or gooners. This is all the new words. Basically people like to jerk off. Um, it's a good, it's a good lube and it's not dirty. It's really kind of bizarre. I'll let you try some. I need to see it. It's it's a [00:27:00] it's like a because I have one that starts as a balm and then turns into like more jelly, but then becomes like no jelly there's no gel at all.

[00:27:06] It's like it almost feels like it's not there, but it has three forms. It takes a minus like silky. Yeah, it's like a silky. Okay, so maybe Maybe you know about it. It's a similar balm. Maybe it's a similar balm. Maybe it's popular in the market. Personally, I loved it. So Bader Balm's amazing. Bader Balm's amazing.

[00:27:21] So I decide I'm going to pack it for my trip to New York because it was going to be like a fun birthday weekend. Like who knows how much we're going to bait or like whatever, which like I have time in New York. I know. I'm like, when are you? When? At the bar. So, and we'll get there. So I packed the Bader Balm in my carry on because I'm only carrying on to this trip and we're on our way.

[00:27:42] I also have edibles and two, not one, I had two fucking pens that I had no idea, the one. You were like, oh, it's in there. So I get pulled over at a security check. You were like, it's over. No, I already had the weed bag, that's what's funny. I was like, okay. And I was like, it's gotta be, it's gonna be the fucking bomb, isn't it?

[00:27:59] I'm like, this is the bag with [00:28:00] the bomb. I'm like, what else could be in there? Did I accidentally pack, like, some So he's going through it. He's like, where is it? And I'm like, where's what? Like, I don't know this motherfucker. Okay. So he finds it and he goes, well, what's this and holds it up really high and said, and opens up and you can see where I had my fingers, like, you know, like, you know, like a dick print head.

[00:28:20] I mean, like literally it was like, you can tell, I was like fingering that to get more on my dick and he's holding up. And he's like, pay your mom. And he's like, Oh, but then he decides to still hold it up and show me the ounces on it and I go, well, I didn't think it was a liquid. It's not a liquid. It's not.

[00:28:36] I can't pour out. Well, it's apparently illegal. So he said, Do you want to check your bag? And I was like, I almost do for the spader bomb, but I was like, not to LaGuardia. Oh, I need to wait. Yeah, no, not waiting. So I said, direct though you could have, but then you have to pay probably anyways. So I was not only I was mortified.

[00:28:54] First of all, this is actually the second airport that I've had to go. Yeah. Show my bag for no reason. You [00:29:00] really have had, you get a lot of bag check. You're bad. I think it's just you. I mean, we need to accept it. Like it's every time, but I also think it's always pulled to the side. I always think it's like electronics or it's like.

[00:29:12] It's always, yeah. Remember in Cam? Yeah. Actually, I do always. It's always it's me. It's always something. It's me. That's why I can't just solely like, I can't bring weed. That's obvious because No, you would never get through. They'll be like, what's this camera? What's this weed? It's like, no. Yeah. It's like, mm.

[00:29:25] So, so I'm like, fine, take it. And I was like, ALM. I did see 'em on the right way home and I did see 'em sitting at TSA and I was gonna be like, you like that bomb bitch? But then I was like, no. He probably kept it. He probably used it. Oh, he kept it when he read Bader, he was like confused for a second and then he was like, masturbate.

[00:29:41] Master Baiter. Baiter bomb bitch. So that's a shameless plug. Could have been an alligator. I should be like, it's for my alligator down there. Where was I going? I got it on my feet. I got to put this on. Hey, that's from a crack. Yeah. My cracked alligator skin. They call it Bader. Bah, bah, bah, and that you could turn it into a [00:30:00] medical reason.

[00:30:00] Then they really would probably keep it. I'm like, it's really, it's for my fucking cracks. It's my cracked hole. It means you don't understand. I've rubbed my dick raw. I mean, honestly, that shit really does help. Cause I noticed as an adult that I can't do dry rubs anywhere. I hurt. Yeah, it's bad. Like it's like I used to be able to just jerk off seven times in a day.

[00:30:19] And I used to be so tough. Or two days in a row. I used to be so tough. Dry? No dry. No, it's not even just dry, it's like hurt. I'm like, ow, my dick's been abused. It'll tear. It'll tear. Uh huh. It's wild. So anyway, so we go on, so we get to New York City, and we decide to take an hour and a half Uber ride, because it's New York City, so we had to go all the way up to fucking Harlem, and then back down, because it was so crowded to go across, Yeah, I was like, okay, great.

[00:30:45] So it took us an hour and a half to get to the hotel. That's painful. That's like a long ass drive. Very. So, oh fuck. We go to the, so we had dinner, blah, blah, blah. We go to the, what time of the day was that? Four o'clock in the afternoon. Okay, and that's on you guys cuz I planned that time and it's true [00:31:00] So we decide that we're gonna go to the Eagle So we did like our thing for that night We went had like a diner and they were like, well, we'll have a drink here drink there went to a bear happy hour Oh, that's fun.

[00:31:10] So the bear happy hour was up north. I saw the hottest Wait till I show you this couple. I know they're all there. All the hot people. Also the ugly people, but well, there's the Yeah, we'll get there get there, too. So we go to the bare happy hour It was kind of awkward so we didn't know anybody and I was like You're just like sitting around and I'm honestly were you high at this point?

[00:31:32] Yo, yeah, I was fine. So think about it. Hi, I'm like I was saying my pen like so then we went there that was fine We met a few people but not really but we saw some prospects. We knew Goldilocks was coming up on Saturday, which is But that's like the same company like the same person that does the bear happy hours weekly does Goldilocks every like six or eight weeks Okay, so I was like, let's go see our prospects.

[00:31:56] Let's see what kind of ugly is going to be here. Of course, there's plenty of bears, but there was actually a [00:32:00] lot of chasers. And there was one that I was like obsessed with, which is another thing we got to talk about. Oh my God. I have so much, you have no idea. So basically then we went to the saloon. Now I don't know how that place stays in.

[00:32:11] Remember the saloon place what's called the flaming saddles. Yeah, exactly. This is exactly why you don't remember. It's, it was like an all wooden bar and they dance on the bar. The country guys. Oh, wait, wait, wait. I do remember. We went there for like 10 minutes. Oh, that's why I don't really remember.

[00:32:26] Everything's cash only. Oh, we did walk in. We left. No, I literally was like, I don't have really money for, I remember coming in and like seeing them and then being like, I don't have cash, so I'm out. They're like, I have 10 to my name. They like dropped once like, and then we like, but also there's like seven people there and you're like, there was no one there.

[00:32:43] That's the same way. Same thing. Really? I was like, you can go see, we can go see it, but I'm just telling you. So bless his heart. So we saw it, whatever. Then we went to a Reba Reba. Okay. Wouldn't got a margarita. I mean, actually the food, I remember being pretty good. Yeah. So I wasn't hungry at that point.

[00:32:58] Margarita was good. I had a margarita [00:33:00] and I was like, So then we're like, Eagle. We're going to the Eagle. Yeah, it's time. Meanwhile, we're walking all this, by the way, from Hudson Yards up all the way to where I was staying. Where we stayed. Oh, fuck. Back down. To the Eagle, yeah, that's like, south of Hell's Kitchen, right?

[00:33:14] South of Hudson Yards. Oh, that's fucked. I had 17, 000 steps to go. And I had got there at four o'clock anyway. Oh. So we go to the Eagle and it's a Thursday night, so Yeah. Well we read on Sniffy, it's Man Happened. We read on Sniffy that it was a really seedy night, like a really cruisy night. So we kept seeing like these older guys like kind of doing like a cruise look like, have you ever seen the cruise look where they're like, yeah.

[00:33:35] They're looking around like they look at you and I'm always like, I was try to look away so that I'm like, don't come over here. Yeah. Because if you look back, because if you look back for two seconds, know that's where the gays, they probably originated and that's what, but they walk around like really creepy with their hand and their pants.

[00:33:46] They're like. Just waiting to fuck or something. Yeah, and it's like it's like I'm not into that. I'm not in first of all Yeah, I'm not I need to wear shirts like no cruising. No cruising if if I want you you'll know That's actually a good shirt. If I want you, you'll know you'll know. Yeah, [00:34:00] you'll let you know I'll let you know, but that's the thing is I make eye contact all the time.

[00:34:04] Like I'm looking at people So that's why people nervous when people are like Yeah, so if you if I know they're looking at me I also feel like I have to look down or I have to look away So it's it's one of those things it's different when you're just looking at somebody because they're hot it's different It's different than the cruise look where it's dark and seedy and so first of all the Eagle You've been there with me.

[00:34:25] They had a new room like a new little side look kind of a well mannered situation. Oh Yeah, so we see people going into there people are getting horny. We all of a sudden see a blowjob in the main bar Just out in the open, just blowj Oh, it was like wild. So Not even like Miz was outside. No, no, no I'm talking like in the middle.

[00:34:44] I was like, this is what we need in Columbus. So, That was that night. We go to bed. We wake up at 10. I have an appointment for my new tattoo So which is right here. In I haven't even seen it. Yeah, I know. Oh, I like that. [00:35:00] So, I'm laying in bed, and I'm like, Looking out the window this way and Michael's turned the other way.

[00:35:06] And it's like 10 o'clock and we're waking up from our Eagle experience. Like we, we just, we didn't do anything there, but like we were like getting drunk, like maybe something will happen, but it was like Thursday night. Yeah. All of a sudden. I feel shaking like the bed shaking like almost like somebody was kicking their foot and I always kick my foot So I know I'm the shaker in my family, but Michael doesn't So i'm laying there and I'm feeling this shaking and i'm like mike and he's like what?

[00:35:30] Because he's just waking up and he's not a morning person where i'm like, hey morning and i'm not either. Yeah. No, you're not and I go stop shaking the goddamn bed and he's like, okay I'm not fucking shaking the bed. I go. Yes, you are. So then I was like, maybe it's the neighbors like fucking or something.

[00:35:44] So I put my hand on the wall and I could still feel it, but then it like went away. And I was like, I was like, I don't fucking know. So I rolled back over, kind of put into sleep. Michael comes back out of the bathroom, like goes in the bathroom, comes out like 20 minutes later and goes the USA today at the front page says that there was an earthquake in New [00:36:00] York City.

[00:36:00] And you guys were just like, Oh, we were sleeping. And I go I knew I felt fucking shaking. And it. So that's all you felt. Well, yeah, it felt shaky. Hilarious. Like Michael didn't even think about it until you brought it up. Well, he was like sleeping. So that's the thing. He was like, no, it didn't. And that's the thing.

[00:36:15] It was like, it's like a five point. It was like 4. 8 or whatever. It was like this, but like we were on the fifth floor sometimes. Right. When I'm kicking my leg. Yeah. So I was kind of like, not really. Yeah. There was a few things also that happened there. Like one of the door, I think it shifted the whole hotel because one of the doors like sounded like it shut.

[00:36:32] And then we thought someone was in our room. It was a weird situation that morning and we were all like, maybe we're just hungover or whatever. So, earthquake happens, so back to my luck and travel. An earthquake happens in New York City, the biggest one in 140 years. But you're there, like you're never there.

[00:36:47] Never there. You're there once a year. And there I am, in Manhattan, on the New Jersey side, which is closer to the earthquake. There I am, I don't know what it is, I'm telling you, it's kind of fucked up. Yeah, it's like So then, We're not taking the [00:37:00] subway to get my fucking tattoo, and we have an hour to get to lower east side And we're on like yeah, oh fuck so we walked 2.

[00:37:09] 2 miles to my tattoo because I didn't want to get on the fucking sub I was like I'm not getting on the subway with aftershocks Uber no cuz it was people were back to Everybody was kind of it was weird cuz like I looked at the window and after I found out what happened Everybody's just like business as usual honey, and I'm like wow this place is psychotic so Okay We're getting there.

[00:37:28] Walk to it. Finally. Get the tattoo. Now, this is one thing I want to say. I have a type. Yeah, you do. Did I send you a picture of my tattoo guy? Not recent, but I remember last time we were there in like 2021. Is that when we went? Yeah. So you were like really into him. Spencer. It's the, it's the, it's the. Oh yeah, there he is.

[00:37:48] It's the. Fuck. It's the like, I need to zoom in again because your damn screen, so, but it's a type. He's hot, but it's a Spencer's hot, but with or without facial hair, even butt. [00:38:00] Oh, weird. Yeah. Like, oh yeah, that's full type. But he's straight though. Correct. So that's also part of the type. Also, that's part of the type, though.

[00:38:07] Like, one of the other guys that I met I'm gonna show you. This is how I know I have a type. Oh, it's over. He was so hot. Who's that? I was like, that's not the Spencer guy. No, this is a different guy. That's what I'm saying. But do you see the type? Oh yeah, I see the type. It's like that like, Polish, like, pale, blondish red Literally so fucking pale.

[00:38:27] Like a little bit of scruff or beard, a little far right, a little alt right, we wear glasses sometimes. Sometimes we have glasses to look smart. Yeah. So, anyway, I wanted to mention that to you. I have a type, and I have a real big type. Yeah. So So you walked to that and saw that. So I walked to that and saw him and I was like, oh, and he's like, you're gonna get to lay on your back today.

[00:38:44] And I'm like, oh no, like don't touch me too much because I'm already in He's like leaning on your thigh. Oh. Trying to like stop out. Oh my god, you would have so he was really sweet. It's like come. Yeah, I'm just like well Well, actually, well That's that we go [00:39:00] back to the hotel Michael continues to drink though Yeah, he goes back out and goes to that Spanish place cuz it's really close to Arriba Arriba No, the Spanish place.

[00:39:07] It's in Hudson Yard like the little lake. Oh Yeah, whatever it is where it's like the market yeah, yeah, yeah, but I was like my ankle was fucking killing me at that Walk back to Yeah, no, which I, we don't do that. You and I don't do that. Which PS that sub, the reason why I had to go back to the hotel was because my edible hit and I was on the subway.

[00:39:29] You need an intermission. No, but like, I was like, I couldn't even stand up. My mouth was so dry. I was gone. And I was like looking around there's people everywhere. I'm standing and it's like shifting around. I'm like, I gotta sit down I'm gonna fucking die. Like I was like high as fuck like I'm so high I was like, I gotta go to bed.

[00:39:44] Like I've got to go to the room I just gotta lay down for a second and Michael's like well, I'm gonna go to the mall here Yeah, you're like no. So he eventually comes back like two hours later. I took a little baby nap Drunk. I mean, like, he's black. Sangria, wine This tracks. Then, he had a whole bottle of champagne, because his [00:40:00] birthday was in a couple hours, so he's like, And to be fair, it was his birthday.

[00:40:02] Yeah, so he's like, let's drink this before we go out to the eagle. Okay, so we go to the eagle, it's jock night. Jockstrap night. Ooh, that's fun. I would like that night. I know. And we just go back there. I actually, I need to, I'm telling you it's a different world for me now. Well, yeah, cause we can be whores, like actual whores, like, I don't give a fuck, whore.

[00:40:22] We can just have sex in a bar and it's like, great, then leave and we're done. So never again. Yeah. Like, and we have doxy pep. So it's like, we have doxy pep and you don't even have to be on pep by then. So, oh, thank God. So this is from that night I was being a little, you know, Oh my God. A little slut. Ah, so I had my little high socks on.

[00:40:42] I had this skinny slut. Yeah. So we're, and this is our outfits, so it's like, wait, who was that? That's Michael. Oh, it didn't, oh, it doesn't look like him gotten skinny. Yeah, it doesn't. I'm surprised. So that was that night. So we go there and we're like, you know what? We're gonna get, we're going for it.

[00:40:57] Fuck it. So we're like champagne drunk at this point. Michael's [00:41:00] really drunk. Oh, he, he, so he gets kind of whiskey dick. So, we go, we go to the Eagle, we walk in, there's a hole, do you remember walking in there and you're like, close check? Yeah, you had, first there was like, the fuckin cage, and you'd put, you could, yeah, close check, then you had the stairs, and then it just kind of went back, or, yeah.

[00:41:15] There's a left. Oh, I didn't know there was a left, I thought it was just stairwell. Right. After the stairwell, there's a hidden door, I guess. They, Oh, I didn't know that wide open. And it was like a huge dance with another bathroom and everything that's nice and guys in there and their jocks. And I'm like, what the fuck is happening?

[00:41:32] Did it smell? No, see, it's New York, New York. People don't smell New York. So we're perusing around, looking around. I'm I get to a point where I'm like, you were frisky. I'm sure you were all, this is where this guy comes in. All of a sudden, so I saw him at happy hour. He walks in and his jock, Oh God, he is so hot.

[00:41:53] That's a good view. Let me see what he looks. So it's like, he's got like an awkward smile sometimes, but his boyfriend, so they walk in like a little bear couple, but [00:42:00] I'm like, uh, you're like, so they walk in, we're in our jobs. I'm like, Oh shit. They go to that new room and the blonde starts. Getting sucked off.

[00:42:09] And I'm like, what? Just like that. Just like that. That'd be fun to see. Oh, and he, they have Twitter. Oh, good. Okay. Let's see that. Oh, this is from, oops. Well this is from the night we were at the blonde guy taking James Stick. Who's James? That one's James. They're hotter in person. Like, it's like they have that, like this is Whoa.

[00:42:28] Yeah, why is that so big so I'm seeing this motherfucker get his dick sucked by his partner So he's getting his dick sucked. I'm like, oh my god I can't even actually seen the guy that I thought was so cuz you're like fancy sometimes you're like that guy's really I'll never ever I'll never know and then he just is there it is.

[00:42:43] Oh Then he gets on the ground so I so he gets on the ground sort of like in the back room and starts sucking his Boyfriend's dick while he's playing with his big. Okay, so it's just like a hot scene and I'm like, oh no Is there a circle around I'm like that time we were there. Well, so people that's you know, I'm packing [00:43:00] in there Yeah, so everyone's packed in there.

[00:43:01] Yep. Yep, and they start grabbing touching and you're like get away I'm just trying to have sex at a bar and here's the thing. I was so into that Cause I was like, well, let's go to the back room. You were probably standing there just like I was horn oh yeah, I was jerking off. Yeah, obviously. So I started like, getting my dick out, like, cause I was like, I don't give a fuck, everybody else is doing it.

[00:43:17] And people Meanwhile, also, by the way, people are People are then watching you. But people are at those seats, outside of the main bar, getting sucked. They don't care. It's like, I thought they did though, that one time, there was like They were there. Maybe they They came in, did the flashlight in that corner.

[00:43:32] So now they walk around They were like, hey, hey! Now they walk around and they pretend like they don't see what they're saying. Okay. So they kind of like, they'll be like But I maybe that night there was like a cop or something they knew about I don't know what it is that we could have Been there on a weird night.

[00:43:43] Yeah, so but they're people so I'm like, I'm horny I'm gonna go to this back room did it of course I don't ever come because I just like want to keep going at that point. That's what I want I know it's like there. I am you're trying to get mr. Cialis Right Cialis to save my life, by the way, so we do that duh walk to [00:44:00] McDonald's have McDonald's and Then we go to sleep And it's 4am, maybe?

[00:44:06] 3am? Wake up the next day kinda early, 9 o'clock. I love Brooklyn, by the way. 9 o'clock? Oh, really? Have you been? No. We gotta go to New York. We could just stay there and then take trains up to Manhattan. Let's go to New York. Okay, that's easy. Should we? Yeah, it's fun. It might be really hot. I loved Brooklyn.

[00:44:25] Like, Brooklyn is a vibe. It is a fucking vibe. It's so different, too. You get off the subway, and you go up, and you're like, Oh, God, this is another. No, it's different. It's like, and that's where all my favorite food places are going to be. Oh, there's breweries. There's gay bars. There's, I mean, it's all over there too.

[00:44:41] So yeah, I love Brooklyn. I needed to mention that. So we go do Brooklyn. We did this like little, they have every Saturday during the summer, which starts when it started when we were there, I guess it's considered summer, I guess, spring and summer, fall. Okay, they have this thing called smorgasbord. It's called.

[00:44:56] Oh, it's like a world famous It's like a famous thing that people go to now, [00:45:00] but there's like 80 vendors. I want that. So I feel like that's my place It's in the summer too. Yeah, I can just go from place to place. Have a bite, right? Yeah, that's yeah And they had like Shit, you like, like there was very all different cultures, but you didn't have like a hot dog saying it was like Colombian.

[00:45:17] Brazilian. I can't do it. Yeah, I'm gonna love it. It was and then you walk around Brooklyn. You're like, it'd be trouble. It reminds me of when the short north was right before it like really got popular. Yeah, before they started building when there was gallery hops. And it's that little amazing. Now it's like a little edge to it.

[00:45:33] There's a little, there's some still character on the wall, but like, everybody's just kind of, I don't know. It's like you're walking around in a high, like, Kind of like Austin. Yeah, like an Austin, Texas kind of feel that like Boys Town, I kept saying boys town or yeah, or Halstead or whatever before it became that Like a like some kind of Chicago neighborhood, but you're in New York City still because it's across the river, but like you can it's crazy Yeah, it's weird.

[00:45:57] It's like so you feel like that's a weird different vibe. [00:46:00] Yeah, so we did that We had a couple drinks went to couple gay bars We actually got a little bit tipsy and then we're like, let's go back because we had our Goldilocks party So it's like seven o'clock. We take the fucking train all the way back, which was fine.

[00:46:11] I was fine on the train But yeah, I feel like they are fine Well, actually the majority well, you know, I said like the National Guard every every day They have the police now on like In every station. Like it was, I kind of like it. like, Oh, okay, well if you shoot me, I guess it'll be good shot because anyway, so we go back to the hotel.

[00:46:29] We get ready. So we have different jocks on this night. I look hot this night. Oh my God. So we're going to go. I need to get outfits. Like I'm not fucking ready. Oh, even. Oh yeah. You got some jock straps. Like it's on. Okay. Like, I don't think you understand. I don't think I get it. You'll we'll have to go shopping together wearing.

[00:46:45] Oh, I like that one. Yeah. I was looking a little chubby. I guess I like that. Wait, are you, are these matching brand? So you're having fun today there. Yeah. Like here's a Brooklyn. Here's a Brooklyn. I know. Oh, it's pretty, too. Yeah, there's like a little park. It's like very Columbus y. It [00:47:00] really is like that.

[00:47:01] But it's like also there's two million people on that island. Yeah, you're like, but also. Yes, this is the small, like it was like you had, this is just a, this is just a normal Saturday in Brooklyn. So every weekend is a food festival, like, and you'll never try anywhere and food, like, I mean, look how many people are there.

[00:47:15] I mean, it was crazy. And it's like every Saturday, every Saturday from, and it's from like 10 to five or 10 to six or something like that. It's all day. That's the problem around here is like those things end at noon. It's over. Well, because we're sold out, sold out. They didn't. Yeah. So. We go to Goldilocks, we walk.

[00:47:31] So we didn't have dinner either, by the way, 'cause we weren't hungry. 'cause we had the Smorgasburg thing and then we kind of like went all the afternoon, drank some beers and it was like, okay, we're not hungry, but need, we gotta go to Goldilocks. Yeah. We had some Goldilocks. Yeah, you got Goldilocks, right?

[00:47:42] So we put on our slut gear, we go, I go to the bodega. Oh yeah. I went to a bo on around the corner. Like a random corner one. Where were, yeah, some of them it's like, and I had Muscle Milk as my dinner. Muscle Milk. No, that's a protein shake. I've had that before. I was like. Well, I mean, have that for breakfast, not [00:48:00] before you drink again.

[00:48:00] It's like applesauce. Like it's just going to, yeah, to me, so ain't going to cut it. I need bread. Exactly. We're getting them rats. So we go, so here's the main event. Okay, everybody, this is what you've been waiting for Goldilocks. So we go to Goldilocks and what is it? And where it's at the red eye it's called.

[00:48:16] It was like seven blocks North of our hotel. It's kind of near Times Square, like on the ninth though. So it's not like, but it's just like little, you know, Hole in the wall bar you walk in and you're like, okay, there's some hag taking some hags. Like yeah, you got your tickets We're like, yeah, we checked in given she says coat checks on this level and downstairs is closed check.

[00:48:35] I'm like, oh, okay There's two different checks here. I looked on the event. Can you put your coat with your clothes? Save the money like kind of weird go check in a clue. Okay, so so we go down stairs. We kind of say we have a double Genitonic so we get started at a gay bar. Yep Yep, you would. Oh my God.

[00:48:55] Yeah. So then over for me. So like people are talking, people are dressed, people are in their jocks yet. Nobody's really going to make [00:49:00] it blah, blah, blah. Well, all of a sudden, you know how like when there's things happening and you're having fun and all of a sudden like it feels like it just switches and all of a sudden there's like a trillion people in there when the liquor hits.

[00:49:11] But it's like almost like a fast forward Nobody's here and then like you like turn and it's like oh fuck everybody's in our jockstraps So we decide okay, we're gonna go do get dressed or undressed. The line was like fucking 10 minutes long I'm like, this is so dumb. You could've done it upstairs. Yeah coat check.

[00:49:30] So nobody's really doing much yet But we're in the dark room. It's called it's called the Or it's called the playroom or I don't know, but they called it, but it was like, it was basically a dance floor, but it was like darker, red lights, maybe in fog. So we're in the corner and I'm kind of like a bathhouse and I'm already feeling a little horny already.

[00:49:49] So I was like, I just started jerking off a little bit. Then there's people getting sucked. Then there's people jerking off. Then there's more people getting sucked. Then there's more people jerking off. Then there's more people. And then all of a sudden, everybody's kind of jerking off. And you're [00:50:00] like, oh, there's literally like 35 or no, like in a circle.

[00:50:03] No, but you're just like looking this way, and then you can look that way, and then you look this way. Imagine, it's like the size of AWOL's dance floor. Okay. And imagine when it's the most packed there, and everybody's just in their jocks, but they're pulling their jocks to the side and jerking off, and like sucking dick, and they're, so it's like this big crowd of just like, and music's playing too, so like Lady Gaga, it's like, And you're like, Oh yeah, so people are then now getting in a sling and getting fucked.

[00:50:28] Oh wow. Yeah. So that goes on. I'm jerking off. Michael's kind of jerking off. I would get in line for the sling. So we go towards the sling and then I was like, well, I want to be a slut too. So I said, Michael, I'm about to suck your fucking cock. So I, Yeah. Yeah. Here I am now in the same position as the hot guy jerking off my dick while you suck my cola Like it wasn't even probably like that That's Matt 100 percent Matt the first time we're gonna be in a situation like that if Matt's there He's gonna be doing that to me.

[00:50:57] So I could just see I'd love [00:51:00] So this is lesson number one from New York. I do like being watched Yeah, you're an exhibition I gotta be I gotta be sort of in a mode like it's got to be a certain mode But then when I when I'm ready and I'm ready to go When it's showtime, it's showtime. When the show must go on.

[00:51:13] Toronto Bath House for me, I was like, 30 people are watching. But I'm like the shy one at first. I'm always like, oh, sorry, sorry. And then by the end I'm like, oh, oh, oh. Showtime. So then, some other guy comes over. So I put his dick in my mouth. Two times at once. Then another guy comes over. Oh God. All these dicks have been in the sling.

[00:51:35] Um, no, they haven't. It's like, who have they fucked earlier? Okay. So that was the fear that I had after the fact, but I wouldn't put any of these dicks in my mouth. It was hot, but I would actually, I'm like, I wouldn't. And then I'm like, no, I mean, once you're down there, then you're like, I would absolutely do it all.

[00:51:54] And I was like, well, think of what I, yeah. And it's so funny. Most dicks are like the same. It's so weird. But anyway, so then you're like, [00:52:00] okay, it's the same. Then I'm standing there next to this hot ass, like bear. He, I've been texting him. So I have a couple of new friends now. Do they live there? He lives in Chicago, but he travels a lot because he sells video head cleaner.

[00:52:13] Like he made his own. That's amazing. I'm playing with his dick on the floor. Some other guy comes over and starts sucking us both. Ooh, fun. So it's like getting wild. And I'm like, well, we're here. That's a sex party. This is why HIV spread so quickly. No offense. It's just, once the guys get going, once it's showtime, it's showtime for everybody.

[00:52:32] Yeah. So then I become like a zombie and I'm like, well, let's go find more dicks. So we're looking at more dicks, jerking off more people, touching people. Everybody. I mean, it's like, there's so many people in this room. You're just constantly trying to find more cocks. You're like a hundred people in the room.

[00:52:44] Then we head over to the sling for real. And we go to the sling and I'm going to tell you right now, I have never had more fun playing with a dick than the bottom that was in that sling. Oh, I bet he, I'll show you a picture. I mean, this is a. Big goddamn boy [00:53:00] and his dick was so fucking nice Yeah, and just big but not too hard to grab it and play with it was like you could just he's on his back though In the sling.

[00:53:10] Oh, yeah He's like that he has a hat over his head and he's just sitting there like this waiting to get fucked or getting fucked actively Well, I'm playing with and I was like doing the fucking okay. No, no, no I didn't go that far, but I will say It's crossed my mind. Next time you will. Oh, obviously. It crossed my mind.

[00:53:26] Now, let me see here. It crossed my mind. This guy was, and it's like so funny because he's not, he's kind of my type, but not really my type. That's like, right. So he's in the sling. Oh no, that's great. Wow. Look at, I mean. No. He's also just strong. So I was rubbing his chest like this. I'm saying he's strong.

[00:53:46] And I was like, this is so fun. And he's just getting railed. Yeah. And then I'm grabbing his dick and I was like, this is the most fun I've ever had with a dick in my entire motherfucking life. Yeah. And it's and it was huge and you're just out and it was just like and I'm jerking off [00:54:00] and I'm jerking him off and then some guy next to me just Beating his dick and then somebody's getting fucked and I'm like and then I saw the guy that I sucked his dick Fuck the guy in the sling and I was like, hopefully that's the only time he did that not earlier You would have smelled it.

[00:54:12] I know it wasn't bad. I think that like they came to you probably before five I don't feel like I would let I mean I guess for me as an adult I'm not gonna let somebody suck my dick if it's been in an asshole I wouldn't do that to someone plus I feel like you finish in the finish in the hole Yeah, put it right in the hole.

[00:54:25] I always, yeah, I'm not, so we're there, it's now 3:00 AM and I've been But you haven't come yet? Nope. Been edging all. Well, we came at the hotel like earlier in the week, but like this is this night. This is an edge. This is an edge. Yeah. I guess it's been like three hours of just like literally sucking dick and just.

[00:54:44] It was the most fun I've had in my life, I think. I'm not even kidding. Let's be honest. Like I was like, cause there was actually, so it's New York City, so like, no cap. There was hot chasers there. Right. It wasn't just, so the party wasn't just, that was the one picture that I just saw. No, and then if they were big.[00:55:00] 

[00:55:00] They were muscle big. Right. It's New York, honey. Honey, there was tons of gingers, too. Oh, wow. Yeah. Oh, like, who's that? He was there. So it's like, you have like, these hot Yeah, I would be sucking that. So there's dicks everywhere and all this stuff, and I'm playing with this dick, and it was great, and it was the best thing.

[00:55:14] When's the next Goldilocks? That's what I want to look up. Well, I'm not kidding. I'm like cause But here's the, here's the thing I learned about New York City. Goldilocks is every night, babe. It is. There's something like that probably everywhere. Every night. Every night. Every night. So when they have a blonde party or like they have a certain I'm going we got to find that I want to make New York my second home at this point Like it's a fucking shit show But then I had this moment of realization that it's like you can go down any pathway here in New York City And it doesn't fucking matter.

[00:55:46] You could meet a whole new friend group Every other year and not know, uh, not even a quarter of a quarter of a quarter of a quarter. There's probably like 10 degrees of separation. It's kind of [00:56:00] crazy. So because you go to Brooklyn, there's all new gays there. There's all new gay bars. All new. They're like, we don't go into Manhattan right now.

[00:56:05] And so you're like, but there's 2 million people here and a lot of them are queer just in one area. And it looks really gay. Like in Brooklyn, it's just gay in New York. So Goldilocks was not. It was in Manhattan. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So. Anyway, so then it's three o'clock in the morning and the light or not the light those music stops So people thought it was over.

[00:56:24] So people start clearing in me and michael like well, I was like, I don't we didn't even come Yeah, I don't want to come off just you No, I mean to have all that but how all that i'm gonna need and the ones that are me I'm gonna need someone sucking me. So then it was more like scrubs left like the scrub team Yeah, so we're like well, we gotta go.

[00:56:40] Yeah, I knew that's where I get dragged taco bell. We get taco bell We get a lot of Taco Bell weird. Meanwhile, I'm on there's all those food options. I was but it's early in the morning Yeah, it's either a slice or Taco Bell. Yeah, so it's 4 a. m. And I find a Little [00:57:00] Jewish boy, which I was kind of, no, he liked Jewish boys.

[00:57:04] We just don't like Zionists or we don't like Israelis. And I feel like he gave me I go to Israel. Yeah. Like I went back to my homeland. I mean, the only way I knew was cause he had like the little, yeah. So he's messaging and I'm like, well, do you want to blow some cock? Yeah, he's like sure I'll walk down walk down.

[00:57:23] Yeah, he walked like a box come suck That's a long walks in our hotel. So we get back with the talk about we arranged this cuz I'm like, I'm not doing that I'm we're gonna have some I'm we're going for this shit. I'm like at this point. It's gonna be boring. No, right Like I want one last little here Of course, what I'm learning on this trip is that I will not, I feel like from now on, I am not going to actually hook up with anybody on an app.

[00:57:47] No, there's no point. Here's the thing. They are never what they seem on the app. And when the, when you see somebody in person, a lot of times the ones that I'm not looking at on the app, I'm like, they're the ones that are the hot ones. And these ones that [00:58:00] look hot. Are not for me is why I've never been on a nap.

[00:58:02] They're like little aliens and I'm like what the fuck It's when I meet them and I'm like we have something going we have energy or we have something Yes, so he wasn't cute, but he wasn't ugly. He was a blonde. Yeah, at least he's cut Well, I knew that going in. Kind of why I picked him. Thank God for the Jews.

[00:58:17] So I'm like, okay, whatever. So he comes, sucks our dick, and then he wants us to fuck him, and I'm like What? After being sucked to completion? Well, no, so I was like, once I come, I'm not fucking you. I started becoming like a top all of a sudden. Well, yeah, you have to. He's a little Jewish boy. Well, yeah, I was kind of mad at him until I was like, you probably went to the homeland.

[00:58:32] Yeah, you probably bombed Gaza. I was gonna bomb his pussy, but then I was like, no, this is just So you guys didn't fuck him, because he But we came all over his ass. Oh, that's good then. We were like, aww. He's like, fuck me. And you guys are like, I was like, no, I'm about to come good. Sorry. And I was, because I, let's just say this.

[00:58:49] You'd already sucked four or five dicks. And honestly, you had taco bell. Like, no, you're ready for bed. You hadn't eaten yet. Nope. So we're sitting there and we both have a [00:59:00] microwave. It's not cold though. So then eight blocks. So then he lays down and I was like, after he came on his ass. Yeah. And I'm like, let me get you a towel.

[00:59:12] Got my towel. Then he rolls over. No. I'm like, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. I was like, well, this was so fun. We have a flight. It's 5 a. m. And we have a flight at 10 a. m. at JFK. Oh, I'm set for 7 Yeah, that's why I didn't hear from you when you got back. Correct. I was like, is he back? Oh, right, or are they staying till Monday?

[00:59:33] No, no, no We it was basically like taking a red eye We slept for an hour But like I had to get a little juice was like are you gonna come or like it was like my arm was getting tired I'm like and you know dicks that aren't fully hard It's like, drunk dick, not a big dick, which is fine, but it just wasn't, and I'm like trying to like, noodle grab it.

[00:59:51] Where's the hard part? Yeah. He said something about daddy, and all this shit, I'm like, oh, I guess I'll play the game, cause he was younger, he was like 26. So, finally [01:00:00] he's like, he's like, I don't have to come, I was like, okay, well, Good, well, we'll see you at the door. It was really fun, uh, do you need any, Do you need an Uber?

[01:00:06] Yeah, like we just gotta get you out of here. No, it's literally like, I'm like, are you sure you're okay? And he's like, Venmo? Go, go. I'm done. He's like, I really want to get fucked. And I was like, you're not getting fucked. We're not getting fucked. We already came. Like, it's 5am and I came. What do you think?

[01:00:18] I'm going to 10 to fuck you? No. And he's an accountant too, by the way. Oh. I know his title. I know how to do research. I love it. So now it's 5. 30 and we're eating Taco Bell. For breakfast. And then you have to take a nap. Then we take a nap. Because it took an hour to get there. But Sunday is going to be easier.

[01:00:34] It was easier. It was only 40 minutes. But So then we get to the airport. Oh, we get out of there. It's we get home at 1130 1145. We landed. Thank God We had to go to sheets I was we're getting really grumpy and I came home and I passed on the couch like it was just like one of those things but like I Decided on this trip though.

[01:00:50] I'm like, I'm I know I'm going for yeah I think it's a midlife crisis situation slightly. Yeah, but also what I'm ready to [01:01:00] live my inner fantasy I'm done. Like I'm gonna go to all these parties. I don't care ten years from now You probably won't be able to do this as much right? Well, I'll be hands Well, and you will, I will.

[01:01:08] I'm a hot guy. It'll just be a different party. You know what I mean? A different party, different group. We'll have to go to the 20 year old. Yeah, we'll be the young ones. They're all right, but it'll still be hot though. It's weird. I noticed that my groups, they say, yeah, as I get older, the older 50 year old guys, I'm like 50 absolutely would fuck, which was the 30 and ready to fuck you.

[01:01:26] Yeah. It's like the 40 and 30. Yeah. It's like, I'm ready. Like there's 50 year old guys. I'm like, yep. I'm ready. Sign me up. So I'm in the middle of a sexual revolution. I am ready to, I think, I think I'm peak. I'm about, I think I'm beginning, and here's something I did as a mistake and I think it's happening.

[01:01:41] I put the crystals out during the eclipse, then I looked online. Why didn't I do that? Well, you know, it's probably fine. I looked that the crystals during the eclipse are not supposed to be out because the energy at that time is erratic and chaotic. And yeah, it will still lead to change. Good change and like.

[01:01:57] transition, but it might be a chaotic energy might be [01:02:00] chaotic. And I'm like, Hmm, cause I've had some thoughts recently about what I'm ready to do being chaotic. Same. I'm ready to be even around here. I'm like, you know, it could be easy. Like, well, this is the thought that I just have to come over. I don't think you remember the thought we had on the, on the dance floor, but we were both looking, we were, we were looking out.

[01:02:18] And I remember these little, we both were like, we could fuck anybody here. We could. And we could, the fact is we could, and anybody can, here's the thing. It's what we realized it. We were like, we had this moment. We're like, wait, I could literally just probably go up to the hottest guy. I'm going to be like, I want to fuck the shut you.

[01:02:31] And he probably would want me to while there. Right probably be like okay, right bathroom stall right period so I have like I'm in a sexual revolution So, I don't know we might have to go to New York for our trip in June like my I'm ready I'll look at the events I want to see that there's events cuz I want to know what it's not there and I want to be somewhere else gay It has to be gay gay gay.

[01:02:52] I know I'm really sorry like it's got to be at this point now. I'm like done I agree. We're going down there. We're like P Town and then We [01:03:00] were starting to go down the road first. We started at Wilton. We're like Wilton. Oh my god And I think that's pride in New York City. Oh, wait in June. Yeah. Oh my God.

[01:03:10] There's going to be, Oh God, worldwide, I need to take double. We got a look. Doxy pap. Yeah. We need to, we need to take it every day. Right. Did you take your dose? Yeah. Oh yeah. That's the other thing. During Sunday morning, you're like with the Taco Bell. Yeah. Well, I guess it was Sunday morning. Michael probably had to take it too.

[01:03:25] Oh, he did. Was he sucking dicks or he just okay, good as long as he's different than me. Okay, good. I'm glad it was a very fun. Well, he's already done that on a solo trip. So I'm not surprised. So it was very let's just say I'm and I'm confident in my body now. Yep. So I'm ready. I know this was a long like situation today of me telling stories and I'll definitely be cutting out half of this.

[01:03:46] No, but they're good story. But I mean, I just really feel like I had a moment where I was like this. This is it. This is it. But this could be all the time and why isn't it like that here and I can't stand it here anymore. Uh huh. And it's not Columbus. I [01:04:00] love Columbus. We like the fact that I can't do anything.

[01:04:02] You can't have any fun here. It's like we have everybody looks forward to the spring, the summer beer fest high. There's a beer fest every weekend in Brooklyn. Like you know what I mean? It's like with breweries that are that are different and they're different every weekend because there's a thousand fucking breweries within a fucking two mile distance, 30, 000 types of pizza to try.

[01:04:22] This is what I'm saying though, and it made me realize, I'm like, I get it. I think I finally understand New York. I know why. It's like, I'm like, amazing. I think I'm, I would say, I mean, to be able to go to a Goldilocks every, but then I got nervous that I would be like, then would it be boring? No. No, cause there's always a new dick.

[01:04:35] Every time I've done it, it stays fun cause there's a new dick every time. There's a new dick every time. Every time I've like, gone to a bath, a situation where I'm like, Is this gonna be no, it's like it's not yeah, you're putting on a show for a whole new person Yeah, it's a whole new story and you're rare.

[01:04:47] It's some random. You're appreciating you. You're like recoil. You're ready. You're ready. You're ready So yeah, so I watch out for me. That doesn't mean I'm gonna sleep with you though. I still No, no. Yeah, like if you will come up to me and you think that you [01:05:00] might have a chance and I kind of be Like yeah, you're cute then it's not happening.

[01:05:04] And I don't need you to continue to Call me babe or push it or don't push it. The more you push me, the more boys in town here who have been begging me to fuck them how many times? And it's like, okay, but like, I'm not actually a fan. I just felt like I talked about it today, actually, with someone else. I was like, I just can't like, it keeps coming up and I'm like, I don't want to though.

[01:05:28] So, and I'm not going to come out right and tell you that because I don't have right. I don't have it in me, and I don't either mean it's just like, Hey, do you linking up and it's not matching up? And there's been multiple opportunities. You'll know if I'm interested. Actually, that's a shirt. You'll know if I'm interested.

[01:05:48] Don't talk to me otherwise. And by that, I mean, you can come say hello. I'm not a mean person, but when you start doing this and I start doing this, you got to stop because then the minute you don't recognize that and you're the annoying one that's like, [01:06:00] This is what I realized too, though, in my own life, in my own situation, with the situation I'm in.

[01:06:05] Right. And so, being less annoying is actually going to get you farther. I'm just saying. That's my life tip. That's my sundry. That was my sundry. That's a good sundry. Thank you. My sundry is just I'm a little worried about what these crystals might produce. I'm actually kind of excited. Things are, yeah.

[01:06:23] Things are changing. I feel different. Like, in a good or bad way? Yeah. Both? Sometimes. Sometimes I guess it depends when one door closes and another opens. Sometimes it's bad, and then it's like, Eh, okay. Wow. I just really don't give a, this might be the 40 coming, but I just do not give a fuck. Yeah. You're fully approaching it.

[01:06:40] I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck. With this body and 40 coming up. Honestly, I'm telling you in PV. I can't. In PV go scope it out for us. I'm going to find where to go to find things like that. Yes. Because we have the weekend. So we have the weekend to do the gay, like a lot of the really gay like a lot of people are leaving.

[01:06:56] The girls are leaving. The girls are coming on Monday. And then [01:07:00] leaving Thursday, Friday till Saturday. Yeah, we get there Saturday. We have Saturday, Saturday night. Also, it's the second largest weekend there because it's Memorial Day or Labor Day. I guess that's a huge weekend there. So we're in trouble.

[01:07:11] We're in trouble. I'm not kidding. We're in trouble. We need to book our transportation. We need to book transportation. We need to get our dog I'm gonna go to multiple house at bath houses and see what they're like and I'll try to we're gonna figure it out Yeah, I know it's like we need any pig. Yeah, like sometimes this is bad.

[01:07:27] You can be the piggy versus this is good I'm a little piggy. I am you're ready. You're ready. I know obsessed So I'm like a sex fiend now. I think I never said to Michael. I said, well, we're circuit gays now So we're gonna be circuit gays, then bucket gays. We made fun of him for so long But now I feel like I could be a circuit gay.

[01:07:43] And we're hot enough too. And that's when I also realized because But here's the thing. We can't wear out our, like, we can't be total whores. We got to be the quiet, silent whores where we're doing shit, but we're not going to be like, no, come fuck me in my hotel with 19 loads. It's like, we're not in the sling, but we're playing with people in this.

[01:07:59] We're [01:08:00] not in the sling, but we're going to sneak over and play with you for a little bit and tease you and cock tease you. Oh my God. I would, I can't, I've been obsessed with that guy since, I mean, I was rubbing his body and I was like, this is so, and he had nipple rings, which I don't even like, and I was like, this is so fucking hot.

[01:08:14] And he had a nose, huge bullnose. I'm a buy it. Uh, and trust me, he was taking Dick too, like a lot. I was like, well, good for you. And he's a chef, I think, in real life, so That's amazing. A chef and he's a big boy. Anyway, well thank you for listening to another episode. Yeah. Story time. I'm sorry it was very story timing, but hopefully it's decent.

[01:08:34] If not, well fuck off. No, they're gonna, we'll see next week. Bye. Oh, and you can call us anytime, and I'm not going to say 614 721 5336, but like, I really like the messages that are fucked up. Thank you for our first caller. I like that. We love it. Look at us. Look at us. Look at me. Bye. Bye. Sorry, that was so I don't know how I'm going to Oh my god!